Biden's Netflix cabinet

 

At my house we watch a lot of the light comedies and especially romantic comedies on Netflix and Amazon Prime. Some are good, some are bad. But they all take place in the same America (even the ones that don't really take place in America but instead take place in small fictional countries that are still somehow America). It is not the America that you or I know or live in. Oh, it bears a fair enough resemblance to our America. Its cities are our cities, and look the same, at least the nice parts of them. It is full of coffee shops and charming restaurants and nice neighborhoods you or I have walked through. Its people talk like us and have the same celebrities and politicians and sports teams and cars and parks and stores and weather. And it is diverse too, just like our America. There are black people and gay people and Indian people and French people and Korean people and gay black Indian French Korean people.

But it is a different America too. 

Everyone is middle class or very rich in this Netflix America. No one is really poor. And no one is racist or sexist or homophobic. It is like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream came true. The sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners have sat down at the table of brotherhood. They may even be dating! Little black boys and little white girls have joined hands as sisters or brothers. Yes, Netflix comedies are exactly that dream come true. They are that Rainbow America. There is no systemic homophobia, or racism, or sexism, or classism there. And it is not absent in the way people cruelly pretend it is absent in our true America, out of willful manipulation and greed and fear and cruelty, all while it so clearly and catastrophically is present, but rather it is absent in Netflix America because it is actually an America that looks like ours but just doesn't have any of that. 

So black men fall for white princesses and no one thinks twice about it. No one ever treats a black man differently. Opportunity comes down to the content of character. Transgender, Chinese, it doesn't matter in Netflix America, and not just when everyone is behaving at their very best, like in our America, but because in Netflix America that's how every single person actually is.

And so I have been following the first stirring of what the Biden administration is going to look like. It is a Netflix Rainbow! First woman this, first gay man that, first Latino this, first black woman that.

They are the perfect cabinet for Netflix America.

But in our America, the real one, there are fascists and racists. There are people ranting about Christianity who don't understand a single thing Jesus said. There are bullies who keep getting promoted, and kids going hungry. There is a country burning down and rich people gorging themselves on human lives to fill an emptiness that cannot be filled. 

The Biden cabinet should look just like it does, and I am glad to see it, just as I am glad to see the casting of all these Netflix movies and shows. But this Biden cabinet should be of this America as well, engaged with the fight for our America. It should have poor people and strange people and passionate people. I'm not sure it does. I think these are all Netflix people ready to work on Netflix problems. They got where they are, to positions of power and wealth, in this America, so it must be working, pretty much just as it is. Netflix America and a Netflix cabinet.

Except maybe for that Deb Haaland, proposed first Native American United States Secretary of the Interior. She seems all right. I won't close my heart to hope.

White people library

Recently I discussed with you the curious nature of our curbside pick up at our pandemic battered library and how, unlike the old library, this new version of the library exclusively serves a white clientele. This fascinates me. Earlier in the morning I was out at the front phones and probably sailed past my marker of a hundred people personally helped without a single one of them being a person of color in any way whatsoever. At one point I had processed library materials for a surprising bunch of unrelated people all sharing the last name "Thompson". And I thought to make the joke "I have helped far more people named "Thompson" than I have helped black people over the last week. But I could have included absolutely any non white ethnic group instead in that statement. And then, even more to the point, the joke was meaningless because that same thing was true of every single name I helped! So I started thinking "I have now helped more people named "Braugenkamper" than I have helped any people of color.

It wasn't funny, mind you, but in my current state there was a horrid satisfaction to it.

While I have not personally seen, among a couple hundred visitors I have glimpsed in various contexts over the past week, a single person of color, there have, to be fair, been reports. One of my colleagues said they heard that a slightly crazy regular patron who is black came by to get some holds one day. That sounded pretty conclusive. There were also vague accounts of one other person of color coming by, but I was unable to substantiate it directly.

Of course it all begs the question: Why is this so?

A commenter in my first discussion of this subject proposed as an answer something along the lines of "White people are a bunch of self-centered, self-absorbed assholes!" And the argument certainly has a good deal of merit, both theoretically and historically. I am not here to refute that interpretation. I was more thinking I could add a kind of broadening theory.

My theory is this:

White people are accustomed to relating to a soft authority as fairly optional. They are free to interpret it as they wish. And so the slightly left of center Governor's Stay at Home order, with a focus on "Hey, let's all just pitch in" and "This might not mean you, don't worry" is a kind of friendly suggestion to large sections of the White People community. We are free to run with it where we like and pay it our vague attentions.

Whereas to immigrants and to people of color, all that "gee shucks, soft authority" is a velvet fist they have seen before. That stuff was written for them. They do not have the luxury or the state of relaxation that allows them to gloss over it all and make up their own casual interpretations. They, by history, are compelled to pay attention to it. They can choose how to deal with it once they pay attention, but they have to pay attention first.

And once one has actually paid attention to what's happening one would naturally, prudently do everything one could to stay at home.

I mean unless one was a self-centered, self-absorbed asshole.

Library for white people

In the evening the curbside pick up at my library finally died down. And once again myself and a couple of co-workers were talking and complaining about the situation.

You know the situation, don't you: State in lockdown, managers run amok, pandemic ingratiating itself slowly and murderously into the heart of the city, library under weird delusions of being some kind of emergency service, random chaotic rules at my library... You know, THE SITUATION.

One of my co-workers was telling the outrageous story she heard at a smaller branch she also worked at. It was of one of our colleagues who was more like me, that is, outraged. Outraged at staying open in a pandemic, then, outraged at staffing in a pandemic with a paltry two weeks of sick time handed out as largess by the county. Then outraged at violating the Governor's order to pretend that curbside pickup of bestsellers is some kind of essential service he just forgot to mention in his Shut Down order. But this outraged colleague the story was about is black. And she apparently very publicly proclaimed something like "I don't see why we're keeping the library open, risking everyone, just to get a few books for old white people!"

The story was told like that person had really gone too far. "That's a little much to say, isn't it?" The person telling it seemed to suggest.

But myself and the other colleague listening to it were only taken in for a half second. Then the other shoe dropped.

It dropped hard when we reflected.

Holy shit. Exactly!

My library is wonderful. Its constituency is magical. It is full of struggling youths from the Job Corps down the street. There are Mexican and Central American Immigrants, a rich selection of our local Somali population, and a wide cross section from our Hmong community. It's full of black people and European transplants, Native Americans, Chinese ex patriots and just people, amazingly, from everywhere. It is visited constantly by the developmentally disabled, people recently released from prison trying to adjust, and people with grave physical disabilities.

It is a fucking American melting pot. 

Day to day this is so normal to me it is sometimes beyond notice. All these people everywhere, but there it is. That is my American Library, Minnesota USA, believe it or not. It is the Rainbow of the World.

But now, suddenly, we are not that library at all. 

We are under a "Shelter in Place" order from the Governor, running some curbside pick up scam. And as this kind of library we are making 50 to 100 people, criminal people, as I like to point out, supremely happy every day, much to my regret.

And every single one of them is white.

Every single one of them!

My co-worker told us the story. She made the quote "I don't see why we're keeping the library open, risking everyone, just to get a few books for old white people!" And the two of us listening looked at each other, stunned.

We had helped hundreds of people over the past few days. 

"Have you delivered a book to anyone who wasn't white?" We asked.

"Nope." We answered gob-smacked. "Not a one." None of us had.


Although now, reflecting on it I realize it wasn't an accurate statement. The pick up has not only been used by old white people. There have actually been quite a few white people in their thirties who have used it too. 

I guess some kinds of people are just prone to being hyperbolic.

Our multi-cultural workforce

The library system I work in is very keen on hiring a diverse staff, one that reflects the community it serves. There have been initiatives, educational imperatives, grandly touted County Plans, and solemn vows. This has gone on for several years now. We have marginally expanded the multi-cultural diversity of the staff, particularly among the lower paying jobs, but we are down to something like one percent African American employees. If any more black people leave the library system we will have minus percent black people working at our library.

This is very few black people. 

I mean, if you were struggling with the math there. 

Is this a problem?

No. Not at all. That is, if you're willing to give up on the whole American Experiment thing, end human progress, and eventually be beaten to death in your bed by jackbooted thugs.

Which, surprisingly, 40 percent of us here in the country do want now.

But it's only 40 percent, and a majority is a majority, so I am now going to tell us how to fix the problem.

And forgive me for taking a page from the Top Executives playbook.

Pay them more. A lot more.

If one is not getting the job candidates one wants one has to sweeten the pot. It's not rocket science, but if you want a rocket scientist and offer 12$ an hour no one is going to come explain to you why you don't have any rocket scientists to explain it to you. Which is very convenient if you very much want to change things, without having to change anything.

Racist

There's always a Problem Patron Number One at any given time at my library. The current one is an early middle-aged African American woman with a forceful personality. I'm actually not sure who she is, not having run into problems with her, but I have heard the stories. Oh I have heard the stories! They are the kind of stories that only make me feel fortunate I don't quite know who she is.

There she is emerging out of the upstairs stacks well after the library closed. There were a lot of announcements about the closing, but there haven't been any for awhile because, well, we've been closed for so long. The door to the coffee shop was locked promptly at nine because it's not a proper exit and it communicates with a now closed coffee shop that doesn't actually belong to the library. But she is heading to that exit anyway, in the half dark, pointing and preemptively calling out at broadcast levels:

"Open that door! I am disabled and I WILL NOT walk all the way around the outside of the library so you will UNLOCK THAT DOOR right now."

I guess they did. I'm pretty sure they gently encouraged her to leave on time in the future. It didn't go well. Apparently our library treats her monstrously and we're the most racist library she's ever been to.

There have been other incidents as well. She threw open the gates of the library to enter early one morning, heedless of entreaties to stop. Another time she was talking very loudly upstairs. So loudly that complaints were coming in about it. One of our truly nicest librarians went over to ask her if she could if she could be more quiet. She was furious. She said she was being singled out because she is Black and other people talk loudly and nothing ever happens to them.

The fact of the matter is that race comes into it a lot. Every problem, every request of ours that she conduct herself according to our minimum standards and rules is met with a enraged rebuttal that all the complaints are because we are racist, rude, and unfair, and that they happen because she is Black. Then she usually threatens about how she will be calling all kinds of important people about this.

She is crazy, unfortunately. 

And I suspect she is part of a small group of patrons for whom no amount of reasoning will resolve the problems. But if she weren't quite so crazy I would tell her how she can't just go around calling everywhere and everybody racist. This is America. If she goes around indiscriminately calling people and institutions racist she could be wrong. 

She could be wrong as much as 20 percent of the time.

All my black co-workers are leaving

WARNING:

The subject of race will be making an appearance in this blog post. You might have suspected as much from my title: All my black co-workers are leaving. But I just want to let you all know, right from the very beginning, that I am completely color-blind.

I see everything in black and white.

Ha ha ha ha. That's just a little bit of race humor to break the ice.

No, right, I absolutely agree, there is nothing funny about race in America. I'm sorry. It won't happen again.

So let's get to it:

After a four year total library system focus on diversity, multiculturalism, and race and the history of racism in America, after multiple mandatory viewings of the (excellent) PBS Documentary Race: The Power of an Illusion, after diverse hirings (well, at the lower pay levels), expensive countywide initiatives on employee retention, countless break-out sessions, in service days, and required continuing education classes on race and diversity, it just so happens that all of my black co-workers are now leaving and moving onto other opportunities.

At this point, if this were one of my normal blog posts about, say, anything other than race, I would caustically and wittily sum it all up, illuminating the issue and solving the problem pithily.

But it's about race.

I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

The response

Recently in my town we had a protracted *sort of* hostage stand-off. The most exciting part seemed to involve some tear gas and a guy throwing a microwave out of a hotel window. But mostly it all just involved a lot of waiting around and eventually a final apprehension in which nobody was hurt.

The strange, slow motion, let's-close-the-city-but-there's-no-danger response to this incident brought to the fore how an incident like this is handled differently based on the identity of the perpetrator. And so to assist you in identifying what might actually be going on in any future hostage stand-off you may encounter in the news I have prepared the following guide:

Your Guide to Poorly Covered Hostage Crises

 

If the hostage taker is: Black and poor

City/Government responders will be: City police, lots of them, heavily armed

In which: They immediately storm the building

This is covered by: The local TV news

The operation will result in: A dead guy.

And the final result will be: It turned out it wasn't actually a hostage situation, the guy was just confused and likely harmless, there are city protests, and the Grand Jury decides not to indict any police officers.



If the hostage taker is: A group of alt-right fanatics

City/Government responders will be: FBI

In which: A section of the city will be closed down for months while painfully cautious and careful negotiations carry on.

This is covered by: Full National Media saturation coverage even though nothing ever happens.

The operation will result in: Right-wingers being easily apprehended while making a desperate break for snack foods, however one guy accidentally shoots himself in the leg.

And the final result will be: Everyone found guilty and then everyone released a month later on technicalities.




If the hostage taker is: A group of left-wing protesters

City/Government responders will be: Police, CIA, FBI, National Guard.

In which: After a one-day stand-off a raid is triggered by an on edge National Guard member firing on the Police.

This is covered by: Full National Media saturation coverage, most of it inaccurate and only corrected in unpopular books written four years after the fact.

The operation will result in: The apprehension of protesters and one dead responder killed by friendly fire.

And the final result will be: A wide variety of prison sentences, little understanding that none of the protesters were armed, and a general angry sense of the protesters being responsible for the dead National Guardsman shot by a startled FBI agent.




If the hostage taker is: A White-collar fugitive.

City/Government responders will be: Local Police.

In which: There's just sort of a stand-off until the guy gives himself up.

This is covered by: Local media who somehow never manage to provide any solid information until days after the incident is finished and no one cares anymore.

The operation will result in: Who cares.

And the final result will be: I don't know. Probably some kind of trial or something.

More adventures in multiculturalism

The hideously run In Service Days of my library system are one of the banes of my existence, but oddly I didn't much mind this year's In Service Day. In fact, I enjoyed it immensely. I think the key for me this year was in flying to Rome and observing it at a distance,  unaware it was happening, sipping fresh juices on a couch in a Renaissance Palace, looking out over the baroque domes and roof gardens of the city. A simple solution, but elegant.

Nevertheless, upon my return, reports reached me, fascinating reports. And my favorite report is the one about lunch. Well, it's about lunch, but it's about multiculturalism as well.

My library system's feverish commitment to diversity and multiculturalism is of the highest order, so long as you don't count who we hire for any managerial positions, or really any positions of authority, or how we treat the public, all of which would fit in comfortably with Minnesota in the 1950s. But other than that we're right on top of it with mandatory training that has no practical application, occasional public programming, and a concerted effort to hire diversely in direct proportion to whatever job pays least.

It's a start. Possibly an end too. But that doesn't mean my library system has given up. So this year when it came time to order the In Service Day lunch, instead of the hideous gruel known as the Jimmy Johns box lunch, it was decided we would use a local Thai cafe to provide the food.

Thai food! Thai owners! Diversity. Multiculturalism!

A spark of gustatory thrill ignited through the stomachs of our library community. Could we possibly be getting tasty, interesting, maybe even real food on In Service Day?

The day came. I woke up and went with my wife for a cappuccino at Sant' Eustachio before a wander through ancient streets to astonishing sights of pure loveliness. But back in Minnesota my co-workers went to In Service Day. And the thought of a Thai lunch sustained them through strange, droning lectures. Expectation built until the noon hour. Lunch came. And it was in boxes.


Wait, boxes? 

Yes, boxes, boxes with meat sandwiches on white bread. Boxes with condiment packages of mustard and mayonnaise. Boxes with bags of potato chips. Somehow the Thai Restaurant had provided an even worse box lunch than Jimmy Johns had. I didn't even know such a thing was possible. What happened?

In a spark of commitment to diversity the library hired a Thai Restaurant. But as evidence that none of the four years of diversity training had any effect they specially asked for boxed lunches of American Food.

It was very funny. In Rome. Nibbling grilled eggplant. And drinking a lot of wine.

They must be Vegans!

I don't get out much. And when I do it is not with Republicans. At the library I work at I assume that pretty much everyone is somewhere politically to the left of any Republican, both because we are a socialist institution, and because I like to think well of people, if I can. So when I overheard someone at the public copier say, in what was surely a response to something involving Black Lives Matter, "I think all lives matter" I felt like I was suddenly connected with all of America.

It was exciting.

So instead of resisting, I decided to go with the flow. And when a patron came up to me at the front desk and asked "Can you recommend a good book? I like science fiction." I said

"I think all the genres are really good."

"Oh." The patron said, taken aback. "So, can you recommend a good book?"

"Any of them." I said enthusiastically. "All of our books are wonderful!"

"Er, yes, well." The patron said. "Good. But I really liked The Martian. I found it so entertaining and informative. Anything like that?"

"The Martian?" I said. "I loved it. Certainly we have books like that. Of course."

"Great. Which ones? Are they in?"

"Yes! They're all in. All of our books are like The Martian. Just go upstairs and grab any book. You'll love it!" 


I'm not sure my suggestion worked that well. Still, I think it is always worth it to try and expand the way I see the world.

Olympic withdrawl, Zika Virus

PRESS RELEASE:



American Olympic hopeful Feldenstein Calypso today added his name to the list of athletes not competing in the Rio Olympic Games due to concerns over the Zika Virus.


PERSONAL STATEMENT FOLLOWS:



Though I know it may be a disappointment to many, I must regretfully announce that, due to concerns over the Zika Virus, I will not be competing in this year's Summer Olympics in Brazil.

As excited as I am at the prospect of being crowned "Fastest Man Alive", the risk to my family, friends, community, and nation must outweigh my pursuit of personal glory. I am as committed as ever to my ambitions for international glory and torrents of unreasoning adulation, but not regardless of any cost, nor in a way that could cause harm to others.

Would I have won the Olympic Gold Medal in the 100 Meter Dash? No one could ever say. I have never actually run a 100 Meter Dash so there is no telling how fast I might be. While most athletes who are crowned "Fastest Man Alive" are not yet in their fifties and don't get slightly breathless after a brisk walk, very few of them have my unique attributes either. I am frequently described as "quick" and am uniquely well suited to focusing on tasks that take less than ten seconds. It has also been suggested that I have lost a few pounds recently, which could have only aided me in my pursuit of an Olympic title.

I wish the other sprinters much success in the Olympics and in no way mean to suggest that, without having faced me to reach his goal, the ultimate winner of the Gold Medal in the 100 Meter Dash is not, or will not be, "The Fastest Man Alive" . Though we can never truly know who would have won that thrilling Olympic match up between us, his victory will nevertheless be hard fought and fairly won just as it is, and I freely salute him. I also extend condolences to him, his family, his friends, his community, and his country for the terrible ravages of disease he will be spreading through them as a result of his triumphant pursuit.


To my own disappointed fans I say that knowing that I might truly be the fastest person alive is enough for me, so long as all of you continue to be safe, well, and happy.

Tai Chi Library

 
Welcome to the Tai Chi Library. It is part of our system wide pursuit of multiculturalism. You are very lucky to be here on this day. Tai Chi Library happens just one day every year.


You would like to be directed to the talking book section? I will point the way.


It


is








over














 
there.




I'm glad I could be of assistance.




Hello, welcome to the Tai Chi Library. In our determination to provide a higher level of multiculturalism today we are the Tai Chi Library. What can I help you with today?



 
Ah, you would like a good book to read.



Hmmm.




Let me see.




 

You



















will


















enjoy



















this









 
one.










































Here you are.












That took a long time?





 

Yes, but you will find that the book is 







perfect.

Ethnic diversity

Upon arriving at my library just past noon I saw the library director near the employee entrance talking with the property manager. And I kind of wanted to tell her the good news.

My library has been focused on improving the ethnic diversity of our staff for two years now. Because librarians and administrators don't go anywhere these days, ever, we have seen most of the change in staffing in the Circulation Department. I wanted to tell the director that last night we did it. There was not a single white Christian working in the Circ Department. One Hmong. Two African Americans. A Hispanic. An Afghan American Muslim. And me, a Jew, making it through by the skin of my teeth. Loads of diversity.

For many long years I could easily be the great exotic of any of our Circulation crews. Now Internationalism had struck. The melting pot had come. We were America in all its true and storied face. And as for our professional skill? Sixteen percent horrible, thirty-eight percent marginally adequate, and forty-six percent fine. So, same as always.

I wanted to relay the good news to the director, but she was busy, I had things to do, and besides, she hardly ever tells me anything. As it says in her 2 Corinthians 9:6 - "But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully."

Race solution

As a general matter of course I do not enter into racial politics here on clerkmanifesto. Perhaps I have felt it is a subject where it is too easy to say something completely foolish.

I like to feel really challenged to say something foolish.

But this morning I had such a good idea. I'm not saying it will solve everything in the deep problems of racism in America. One simple idea by a humble, ever so humble, blogger with a readership of 30 could hardly hope to solve the brutal, incessant, and intractable issues of institutional and casual racism in this country overnight.

Nevertheless this idea should take care of about 98 percent of the problem.

Yes, it is a pretty good idea.

Yes, it's new.

Yes, you are very lucky to be among the first people hearing it for the first time. Just imagine how I felt when I thought of it!

I was reflecting on the problems with policing and race that have been plaguing this county for, er, several hundred years. These problems are seeing an upswing just recently in people paying attention to them because they are being filmed more. 

Ruminating on this my brilliant idea came to me.

My idea is that from now on all law enforcement of any kind in America will have to be black. No more white police officers. Sorry Latinos, Asians, and American Indians. Only African Americans can now become Police Officers, Police Detectives, Police Chiefs, FBI, CIA, and so on.

I know!

This will create a splendid jobs boost to the black community. It looks like there are nearly one million police officers in America. The average Police Officer salary is around $50,000. That's a good middle class job there for a million black men and women. Plus people will stop getting hassled and incarcerated for basically just being black. This is a winning proposition.

"But," You ask "Will black people be good at this job?"

What's with the racist question? Why wouldn't they be? You racist.

"But this is Affirmative Action!" You cry out.

No, seriously, I have like 30 readers total on my blog and there's like a racist shouting stuff right in the middle of my blog post. This is so unfair! And what on earth could possibly be wrong with Affirmative Action? It's action, which is good and normal. One has to take action to do pretty much anything. But this action goes one better: it's affirmative, that is, agreeable, positive. If you're going to take action, which you are, affirmative seems an excellent way to go.

Anyway, let's get on this! Someone go tell the President. Hurry.