Dancing with death at Clerkmanifestoland: The Stunt Road Wild Ride!

 

In what is becoming a sort of weekly feature here, today we take another visit to Clerkmanifestoland, the massive theme park of this very clerkmanifesto you are reading now. With its famous bugheart fountain, and its five lands (New Saint Minneapolis, Bugheart Sur Mer, Dreamland Rome, Library Storyland, and The Clerkmanifestoland Wilderness), Clerkmanifestoland is the perfect amusement park for readers of clerkmanifesto. And though there are not all that many readers of clerkmanifesto, it does mean that the lines for the rides at Clerkmanifestoland will be shorter than expected.

So far you will have learned about "Fox and Skunk in Arles", "The Condeluded Ride", The King of the Schnorrers 'Experience', and "Voyage to Catcher in the Rye". We have heavily referenced "Kayaks on the Escalante" and "The Bernini Vs Borromini Theater". You will also have done a bit of shopping in one of Clerkmanifestoland's many souvenir stores. I am actually a bit shocked at how much we have covered here already in just a few weeks. But there is still a lot of the park left for us to explore. And today we are taking a look at a ride inspired by the hijinks of my youth in the chaparral country of Southern California. 

Yes (in case you have been awaiting it!) we are featuring The Stunt Road Wild Ride!

Stunt Road Wild Ride is one of two major attractions in The Clerkmanifestoland Wilderness. So let's head through the gates.

With the Clerkmanifestoland Wilderness being a larger open land you will need to take a long, scenic wander through Kayak Country and past The Campfire Theater to find the queue for the Stunt Road Wild Ride.

Drug taking is one hundred percent optional for this ride. Due to local laws the park does not sell a ton of drugs. Or perhaps I should say, the park sells every kind of drug it is allowed to. Peyote is not one of these drugs, but the ride has quite a few references to peyote nonetheless.

Clerkmanifestoland is really more of a theme park, and as such does not focus much on thrill rides. The Stunt Road Ride is about the recklessness of youth, hallucinogenic drugs, finding rattlesnakes, and the time my friend Grape and I nearly crashed to our deaths while having a little adventure while going too fast in a car on the way down from Stunt Peak in Southern California. But Stunt Road Wild Ride is also one of our two thrill rides, so to speak, both of which are located in the Clerkmanifestoland Wilderness.   While this ride is not a traditional roller coaster, with great drops and loops, it is nevertheless a bit of a wild fun (it's in the title). It can feel very fast at times, and it turns and twists and drops through the environment in crazy and sometimes unexpected ways.

Most of our rides are connected to a gift shop, and Stunt Wild Ride's shop is called Clerkmanifestoland Wilderness Plunder. It is next to a record store called "Oz Records" in the Topanga Canyon inspired section of the park. This might be too much detail for you, but this shop is where you can find "Stunt Road" and "Kayaks of the Escalante" merchandise. I am partial to the various Stunt Road t-shirts myself and have been thinking of getting one.

This area of The Clerkmanifestoland Wilderness is across from the theater entrance and features the only eatery in this section of the park. 

Behind these shops is a looping hiking trail that's almost two kilometers long and takes in landscapes from both the kayak and stunt road rides. On a crowded day it's a great place to get away from all the people and lines, and with dedicated tableaus and scenery it is arguably a ride in and of itself. 

I have mentioned the eatery here which serves elevated backpacking food. It is surprisingly good, though with its odd concept things can be a bit hit or miss, so order carefully. To me, and from what I've read online, the gold standard here is the peanut butter trout. The trout are actually raised onsite in a pond one can see both from the Wilderness Trail and The Escalante Kayaks.

And that is our tour today of The Stunt Road Wild Ride and its environs. Perhaps it has whetted your appetite for visiting? Clerkmanifestoland is open 365 days a year and never closes for private events. It has no special passes, no early entry times and no ticket discounts. Though it has reached capacity a few handful of times in the past, just being able to show up and get a ticket is pretty reliable. Perhaps this is all because the park is rather difficult to get to, but I think if you make the effort you will find it worthwhile.