Surprise

I worry. My mind endlessly prepares for the future. I anticipate. I play scenarios out in my head. I imagine what might happen. I fret. I run over things in my mind. What might happen? I don't know, but I try to get familiar with it ahead of time. I lay awake at dawn just picturing. I try to cover it all.

And yet, every single thing that ever happens to me, good or evil, happy or sad, tiny or monumental, comes as a complete and utter surprise to me. I see a mushroom on my morning walk and it is a moment of shocking wonder. My 900th blog post did not go viral overnight and I am stupefied by it. I put a cherry in my mouth and bite down. It is the dream of a cherry. It tastes wonderful, exactly like a cherry. Who could imagine something like that? My back hurts, I get a step raise at work, the check in machine breaks, a small bee flies among the clover at my feet, I sneeze, a gust of wind comes, someone says hi to me, surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise. There is nothing at all that happens that does not surprise me.

Naturally you might be wondering why go to all the trouble to picture and anticipate and fret about and run over what might happen in the future when every time anything happens I am completely surprised by it.

Ah, well, imagine just how surprised I'd be if I didn't anticipate.