Tuesday, January 29, 2019
Dear Minnesota Department of Transportation
Dear Minnesota Department of Transportation:
On foot I was approaching a rather large, 5-way intersection in Minneapolis. Though I wasn't paying close attention, I am pretty sure, as a point of reference, that I had not merely just missed my turn. The sign placidly said, and had said so for awhile "Don't Walk". So I didn't. I pushed the walk sign button and put my mittened hands in my pockets and settled in.
The walk sign button said, and I hope you'll read all of this carefully, the walk sign button said "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait."
You didn't read all of those, did you? You just looked at them. Ah well.
But if you were to read them properly, at each comma you would have to pause for about four seconds. If you read it like that then you would know how long I waited, in the bitter cold, in the snow drifts covering the corner, while cars that were two miles away when I arrived at the crosswalk, passed me by.
I know what you are thinking.
You are thinking I am a crank.
I AM NOT A CRANK!
Eh, well, maybe I am a little. But you would be too if you waited on the corner in the freezing cold for four minutes to cross the street.
Now you are wondering, "Maybe the walk sign was broken."
Ha!
I submit to you: Any walk sign that does not change to green the second one touches it is broken!
Let me give that to you again:
Any walk sign that does not change to green the second one touches it is broken!
Now you are remembering that I am a crank.
If I am then I am the crank who is going to save the planet! If we are going to save the planet we have to stop indulging cars.
You're indulging cars.
Stop it or all your children who aren't killed in catastrophic flooding and famines will be picked off by brutal gangs marauding across a shattered, post apocalyptic America.
Unless, of course, like me, you have no children.
In which case, like, whatever.
Yours for a brighter future,
F. Calypso
2 comments:
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Related pet peeve, whether walking or driving. The sign counts down the seconds, leading me to have a good feeling that at least I know when the light will change. It reaches zero and...nothing happens. Until it just jolly well feels like changing, I guess.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a long pause to let the intersection air out.
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