Saturday, August 24, 2013

Losing my mind at work, the follow-up

Since publishing The twelve signs I am losing my mind at work thousands of people have asked me "Hey, so how often do you actually do those things." Which is a gentle way of asking "How crazy are you and how can I cancel my email subscription to your blog?" Naturally I might be very worried about this question if it weren't for the fact I made it up and the only thing thousands of people really ask me is "Can I get a library card?"

Really I just have a rich blogger imagination. But just because something is in my imagination doesn't mean it isn't real! Or, maybe, I should put that another way. Just because I made up a question doesn't mean it doesn't need answering, and just because I made up a thousand people having a question doesn't mean they wouldn't have that question if things all came together as they should, which they don't, generally, but that's not the point. The point is I will herein respond to how often do I do the following craziness indicator actions at my work.

1. I start getting a bit rough with the equipment.

Daily. But in my defense I feel it wears in the equipment, like, for instance, a baseball glove, so that it fits me more perfectly in the long run.

2. I skip my break so I can get things done.

To my everlasting shame, occasionally. I beg of you not to talk this around.

3. I think everything would be okay if PEOPLE WOULD JUST DO THEIR JOBS!

Implicit in an amazing amount of thoughts and discussions at work, but very rarely explicit in my mind.

4. I start to suspect that the automatic check in machine is refusing to check in certain categories of items, say, craft books, out of some private, unfathomable vendetta. 

Only once or twice a week, which is not so bad, but I really believe it, which is pretty bad.

5. I get so mad at people returning perfectly legitimate items (that happen to be irritating to deal with) that I start muttering swear words, completely unaware I am in a public place.

Standard practice for me, alas.

6. I adjust my work speed at the front desk to try and force certain people in line to go to my co-worker.

Very rarely, and even then only with the seriously horrible co-workers.

7. I start consulting with other crazy co-workers on work issues.

Once every few months, and their response never fails to elicit a quick "My god, what have you done!?" reaction inside of me.

8. I body block browsing patrons out of position so I can shelve more freely.

I have never actually done this, so I am, like, totally sane!

9.  I don't use the last of something so I don't have to replace it.

I'll do this rarely, and then feel bad about it and replace it anyway (see "second thoughts", a clerkmanifesto classic!).

10. I find myself occasionally freezing up and forgetting how the alphabet works.

A bit overstated here, but a sort of version of this happens to me every once in awhile.

11. I am insistently trying to shove something somewhere that all scientific laws are confident that it cannot be shoved. 

Twice a week. And it is not good for my wrists.

12. I stop thinking about everything at my job in terms of prospective blog posts.


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