Sunday, October 26, 2014

Marketing tips laid bare for you

The other day I suggested that I would provide you with real marketing tips such as never appear on the Internet because they have been swallowed by cheery lies. If you want some nice marketing tips for your blog, business, or website, you can look on the Internet and it will seem like you have found one hundred billion of them, but what you will find is people marketing their marketing tips. This is very different than actual marketing tips.

So today I provide the fun, easy, rarely seen real ways to market effectively. If some of these seem familiar it is because they express the DNA of the Internet, and, actually, of our culture, and so you have felt them underlying everything, even if you haven't seen them laid bare.

Anyway, I will now lay the path down for you. You need only walk it. Does this sound fun? (Please say yes! I can't stop!).


1. Be famous. The famouser, the better.

A long time ago my friend, who is a teacher, had a friend who was an agent. And this agent knew Bob Dylan's agent, or one of them, or something. And they conspired to fix up Bob Dylan's daughter and my friend. But, as the story goes, when Bob Dylan was approached with this plan he said "I don't want my daughter dating a teacher."

What a fascinating, odd story! I have told it many times!

Now, if Bob Dylan were some random, unfamous man, and I heard that story, I would briefly wonder if the man were mentally disabled, or just a random jerk, and I would probably never think of the story again.

2. Acquire a monopoly.

To win in the game Monopoly, you need to get monopolies. This is based on real life! If I own all the property in Grand Marais, MN, or have cornered the market on blue cheese, or Coffee, or Internet access, and you want those things, you will need to come through me. I will be able to get you to look at things, sign up for things, and have to deal with things you would never even consider. It is the law of proximity and gateways. 

As Mark Twain said: 

Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly don't tell them where they know the fish.

Wait, what does that have to do with anything? 

Nothing, but I liked it, and I have a monopoly on this blog.

3. Be just like everybody else.

Oh my, that sounds bitter and judgmental and ever so cynical. But come with me. We take the bitterness and judgement and cynicism and cast it aside. Now look at it. Really look at it. Look at yourself, look at the world, look at everything.

This is a very, very good marketing tip.

You thought there might be more than three. No. As Mark Twain said:

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

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