Friday, October 24, 2014

The Internets' greatest marketer

 What makes me such a great marketer?

The fact that you are reading this blog now.

This blog is auto generated via a random plausible text generator. This is a program that automatically assembles the English language into short essays based off of simple inputs. It's done via a computer program. It's a good computer program, but there is no creative or original material produced in it. I simply type in five or six words or phrases and out comes a blog post designed, through the use of a vast database of historical writing samples, to create the illusion of meaning. This post doesn't truly mean anything. To ascribe meaning or art to it would be like ascribing sentience to the number that comes up when you roll dice.

When you roll dice you get eleven.

 For instance, to create this blog post I simply entered:


And out came what you are reading now.

But perhaps you are wondering now why you think that this random, meaningless blog post is interesting, readable, and amusing.


The dynamic is very similar to why, for instance, people think Jimmy Johns is edible food, or Caribou makes palatable beverages. They do neither of those things. Why television is entertaining, why Republicans are actual people, why the Internet is amazing, why dogs are man's best friend, and why God is looking out for you.

If God were looking out for you people wouldn't be selling it so hard! 

If the Internet were amazing it would make you happier. If dogs were man's best friend they wouldn't bark at you. If Republicans were people they would change their minds.

People can change their minds. Try it now. I dare you.

I am the greatest marketer on the Internet. Why else would you be reading this?

And what, you wonder, am I marketing?

Nothing. I market nothing. The "nothing" is my secret weapon. 

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If you were wondering, yes, you should comment. Not only does it remind me that I must write in intelligible English because someone is actually reading what I write, but it is also a pleasure for me since I am interested in anything you have to say.

I respond to pretty much every comment. It's like a free personalized blog post!

One last detail: If you are commenting on a post more than two weeks old I have to go in and approve it. It's sort of a spam protection device. Also, rarely, a comment will go to spam on its own. Give either of those a day or two and your comment will show up on the blog.