Sunday, July 26, 2015

Where this blog is found

I have been writing up a storm of blog posts. Not that you could tell. Out here on the stupid Internet (wow, did I just call it "stupid"? That must be some kind of typo!) the posts just come out in their stately one-a-day progression. But behind the scenes sometimes I'm all obsessed, composing feverishly in my head, and writing three or four involved essays everyday for days in a row. And then sometimes I'm like "Whoa, yeah, I guess I have a blog. I think. I'm not exactly sure. I wonder if I'm supposed to write something soon?" It all works out via something called "The law of averages" which is a math thing that no one actually understands.

The downside to the periods when I'm writing incessantly is that I am over exposed to the Internet (see, I didn't call the Internet stupid because that was just a typo before). When I have ten blog posts lined up for their scheduled release I poke at them, a lot. I fiddle. I edit. I edit back to the way it was. I work a bit on the eleventh piece. I fiddle some more. I read over. And in between each of these monumental creative acts I find I need to clear my brain just a little. I need to refresh and get some perspective. But not so much perspective as to cause me to leave my computer. I just need five or ten minutes perspective. So I poke around on the Internet for that time.

How much time does one need to be over exposed to the Internet?

I have been consistently clocking it in the 11 to 12 second range.

"Hey!" You cry. "I have been reading this post for more than 12 seconds. Will I get cancer?"

Don't worry, I have done some experiments on this and I have determined that because one can roam the Internet for a thousand years and never accidentally land at my blog, I am not actually on the Internet.

So you are safe.

But now that this is over it might be wise not to linger.


  1. ...but I enjoy lingering on this blog. Ummm, what's that? OMG! It's coming closer! No! No! Stay away! Aaaaaaghbh HDB bkogfdgfn...

    1. Tell me about it. I am covered in scars!

    2. Good gawd, I just witnessed that creature devour that poor little anonymous! What a mess!

    3. Wait, there are two anonymouses?

      This explains so much.

      Not least all the cats around here.

  2. Hello, I'm with the National Association for the Defense of the Anonymous. There's been a complaint and I just wanted to come by and..
    Ye gods! What's that mess?!

    1. You're from NADA? Nada? Is this the Mexican branch of nada?

      Oh, yes, the mess. Just, er, step around it, but you might want to keep an eye peeled for the Internet. If it shows up, run.


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