Thursday, November 5, 2015

The book of libraries

Dear Publisher,

I am hoping you would like to publish my book.

I know what you're thinking: "Oh no, God, please! Not another one! I can't afford to lose any more money."

But don't worry, despite being a mildly interesting book that won't be unbearable for you to skim, my book has cracked the code for being a sure fire seller. Not a bestseller, it won't make us millions, but my book is a no risk venture that will pay to keep your lights on for a few precious more months. This will give you enough breathing room to publish that literary novel you adore about a man and his cat on a failing Iowa farm during the Korean War. Not my thing, but I wish you much luck with it.

So now you are thinking "I have indulged your rambling long enough, but only because of your talk of "cracking the code". This intrigues me. What is this code?"

You have to promise you won't abuse the secret.

Okay, okay. I'll tell you.

My book is all about libraries. It is made up of 232 short essays about all aspects of the world of the public library based on my excruciating and delightful 21 years of personal library experience. It includes salacious behind the scenes views, incendiary library philosophy, the dark secrets of librarians, bizarre patron tales, valuable library tips, and loads of illuminating information for everyone who has ever had any interest in libraries and librarians.

"But what's the secret!? What's the code?!" You cry.  

There are over 100,000 libraries in America. Almost all of them buy books. They buy a lot of popular books to keep their patrons happy. They buy useful educational books. Some of them are very specialized and buy unique books that delve deep into their focus subject, like the law, or local history. But working these many years in the library I have found the one thing no library and no librarian can ever resist buying. And that is any book, in any way, about librarians and libraries.

I look forward to working with you.


F. Calypso

1 comment:

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