Thursday, December 17, 2015

Beautiful house

Dear Neighbor,

I could not help but notice what a lovely house you have. Not only is it beautiful, but it is so well kept up. That can't be easy because it is huge. You have a huge house! I bet you can put any sized refrigerator you want in that house of yours with no problems at all. My house is much smaller and appliance sizes have always been major considerations for us. But I don't envy whoever is in charge of dusting or vacuuming at your place. Maybe they can do it on roller skates?

Anyway, a big beautiful house like yours must be expensive. I mean, not only must it have cost a lot to buy, but the taxes and upkeep can't be any picnic either. I sure couldn't afford it even if I were being financially reckless. And your house doesn't have a reckless feel to it. So I am figuring you are probably at least mildly wealthy. Which brings me to my point.

Can you send me some postage stamps?

I have been thinking of sending some of my writing around to professionals in the publishing field, but I have hit a snag. I don't have any stamps. It would be a shame if I did not become a world famous writer merely from lack of stamps! I am the greatest writer of my generation, and that's not just my opinion, that's corroborated by, well, no one yet because I don't have any stamps. But once, on my blog, "Anonymous" commented "Nice post :-)" which I think pretty much says it all.

The truth is it's not about the fame and riches. I just want to share with the world.

You may be wondering why I am writing asking you for stamps just on the basis of your having a nice house. Surely there are many more, vastly richer people to beseech? Or, even more appropriately, what about all those wonderful granting organizations designed to help artists in just my sort of predicament?

Good ideas, but there is a catch 22. 

I need stamps to contact them. 

As you can see, you're my neighbor. I can just leave this at your door!

So if you would be so kind and generous and would just pop me over, ideally, a large, fat roll of stamps, or a stack of sheets of them, that would be great. You can choose your own commemorative style (although I wouldn't turn my nose up at those Peanuts' Christmas ones!). And if heating that wonderful mansion of yours is getting you down, even a few stamps is at least a start for me. Indeed, even if you put only one stamp in an envelope to send to me (costing you two stamps, unfortunately, total, unless you drop it by personally, or have one of your servants do it), it's something, and I would not speak harshly of you. Indeed, I would only thank you for your kind consideration, and your friendly, probably tax deductible (consult your attorney) patronage of the arts.

Thank you in advance so much for all your help.

Your neighbor,

 F. Calypso

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