Friday, December 18, 2015

Dear God

Dear God,

I know you hate being contacted in any way whatsoever, and that you routinely deny enhancements to your created firmament without comment, but I have a really good one. And without throwing stones or anything I kind of feel like it would be a nice thing for you to do after the whole "everyone eats everyone" scandal that did nothing for your reputation.

Don't panic. I am not proposing a major restructuring. It's more like a little gift. I think you'd be good at giving gifts. What say you just try it once, see how it feels, and if you don't like it we'll just stop with this one.

My idea has to do with time.

Seeing as you are officially all-knowing I'm sure I'm not telling you anything new when I say I have not been managing time well. It's sort of been slipping away from me. I'm not blaming you. And I'm not getting into anything big like mortality. This is merely about petty time. But I do suspect there are many others who have these occasional problems I do with time, and I believe pretty much everyone would enjoy this small, er, augmentation of your very, um, interesting, er, construction of the Universe.

I think it would be really nice if we could save time.

Let's say it's ten in the evening for instance, and the book I'm reading really isn't that good, and I might as well go to bed, but I don't really need to go to bed until eleven. What if I could just sort of bank an hour. I (or whoever) would say to myself "I'm going to bank an hour." And suddenly the time would be eleven, just like that. Then, the next day when I'm leaving my house to walk to work, and I look at my watch and cry "Shit!" because it's (invariably) 9:25, I could say to myself  "I would like to withdraw ten minutes." And it would become 9:15, and I wouldn't have to speed walk for the next hour.

Doesn't this sound great? 

Right, no, I understand it doesn't sound like much to you, what with your being all eternal and everything. But it would mean a lot to us, you know, people. If you can't do it you can't do it. Just say the word and we will stop it with all the stuff about your Omnipotence. But it is my suspicion that someone who can make earth and sky and cats (well done on the cats!), can probably handle this.

I know it has been awhile since you've, er, done anything creative. You know how it goes: on the seventh day God rested, and on every single day since then. So you might be a bit rusty. But as it is said in the Bible "Use it or lose it."

Besides, I really think the idea of you giving a small gift is a good one. I don't relish being the one to tell you this, but the only people who don't say they sort of hate you are, unfortunately, lying. But the important take away from that is that nothing is forever.

I mean, except, I guess, for you.

Just think about it.

Love always,

F. Calypso

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