Sunday, February 7, 2016

Presidential Interview: Religious issues

MSM:  You have been on the record as saying that you were told by God to run for President?

F. Calypso:  Well, yes, that is so. I was told by a god to run for President wherein it was prophesized that I would lose, acquiring zero votes.

MSM:  God told you to run for President wherein you would receive no votes?

F. Calypso:  Yes, amazing, isn't it?

MSM:  Um.

F. Calypso:  Do you think I will get any votes?

MSM:  That's really not the subject of this...

F. Calypso:  It's a simple question. Will I get any votes for President?

MSM:  Okay. No. I don't think you'll get any votes.

F. Calypso:  So you agree that this god has prophesized the future! That's a god worth listening to.

MSM:  If I predicted it would be sunny today, and it turns out it's sunny, that doesn't make me a prophet.

F. Calypso:  Did you, in fact, yesterday predict it would be sunny today?

MSM:  As a curious matter of fact, yes, yesterday I did say that I understood it was supposed to be sunny today.

F. Calypso:  Wow!

MSM:  No, that's my...

F. Calypso:  I am enmeshed in a thrilling web of prophecies! Tell me what to do next!

MSM:  No! That's not, I'm not God.

F. Calypso:  Well of course not. No one is God. 

MSM:  I'm glad we...

F. Calypso:  You're obviously a god though. What do I do next? Do you have any lotto tips?

MSM:  I'm not a god! Look, what if I voted for you? Wouldn't that make the prophecy false and call your campaign into question?

F. Calypso:  It would have actually had to have happened, which it hasn't, oh god of... something.

MSM:  Fine, I'm voting for you. Just wait and see.

F. Calypso:  Yeah, that's how all these interviews seem to end up.

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