Monday, March 21, 2016
Dear President Obama:
I did not know who to bring this issue to, and normally I would not have bothered you, being as you're the President of the whole United States, but I figured that at this stage of your presidency you don't actually have much to do and might appreciate one last problem you can sink your teeth into. If this isn't your sort of thing perhaps you would be kind enough to pass it along to Joe Biden, who may even have less to do than you now, if that's possible.
So, right, you want to know what this is concerning. Fair enough. But before I start I wanted to say that this is not something I have complained about before. I have heard others speak against it, but I personally have had no problems. I just think maybe something has gone wrong with it this year, something very wrong. And I wanted to let someone official know.
Yes, I suppose you've guessed. I'm talking about daylight savings time.
I'll try to be coherent about this issue, but it's difficult because I am so exhausted.
I had to get up to have an early coffee with my wife at seven in the morning the other day, which was a pleasure, except it was confusingly dark outside. My state of bewilderment dogged me for 12 hours until I looked out the windows of the library I work at and it was dark again!
What are we saving this daylight for? We need it now!
Of course all of this is complicated by how overcast it has been here lately. But I don't suppose you could do anything about that. Though if you can, please do, as it sure couldn't hurt. Frankly, as it currently stands, every two hours I have to either have another macchiato or just lie down on the floor and sleep for 20 minutes. If you could have a word with the time people, or maybe get together some temporal physicists I'm sure you all could get this adjusted properly because it is currently a mess!
Anyway, I trust you'll get this all worked out and taken care of. At the least it's a way better bet than you getting your Supreme Court Justice appointment through. Those people in Congress are, like, frighteningly insane. You should mention that in your next speech.
Good luck with your retirement, and thanks for your attention to this matter.