Saturday, May 28, 2016

So you want to write a blog post

You have your beautifully designed website that houses your gorgeous new blog. Over two hundred thousand people are subscribed to your blog and await excitedly upon your utterance. Tasteful and appropriate corporate sponsorship is locked in for two years, allowing you to quit your day job and just focus on your new venture without worries for a few years, maybe as many as ten if you're careful. You've signed a three book contract so you know that blogging won't be the end of it. A few national magazines have featured some nice write ups about your new blogging venture, and an agent and publicist work tirelessly on your behalf.

So you're at about par for a beginning blogger.

Now it is time to write up your first blog post. Don't be nervous. There is no rush, and I am going to slowly walk you through this.

Just be natural.

Whatever comes to mind. Absolutely anything is okay, we can work with it, bring it forth.

No, not that.

Or that.

Absolutely anything.

How about going for a walk. Walks are very stimulating. Things happen on walks.

You know, things. You'll see.

Got your shoes? Got your keys? Okay.

Yes, it is rather warm, but I'd say that weather is a tough blog post to pull off. Maybe after you've had a bit of experience.

You were just being conversational? No no no. Focus!

That I agree is a very pretty iris. Purple. Quick, get out your pen and pad of post it notes. Write it down.

What you just said, "iris" "purple". Good. We can head back home.

Quick now, go turn on your computer. We have a blog post to write.

Hey, this is a nice espresso machine. Can I make myself a cappuccino? While I make a cappuccino you turn on the computer and think about irises. Let your mind wander. Free associate. Don't be afraid to play with words.

Wait, I won't be able to hear you while I froth the milk.

Here I am. I made two cappuccinos. Oh, you don't? That's okay, I'll drink both.

So what have you got?

Good, "iris" "purple". Let's do some Internet research.

Let's see, iris is a flower. Purple is a color. Hmm. Irises are also part of the eye that determines your eye color too. Hmm, the stroma and the epithelial cells.

Well I'm bored too! You think I'm not bored?

We'll just take a little break to watch a funny cat video I remember.

That is one cute cat. Oh, hit that link!

Hmm, hit that link. No, that one.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Huh, did you know that the Golden Gate Bridge first opened today? Me neither. Too bad about that storm in Mississippi. Oh that Trump! Can I just check a soccer score?

Wow, look at the time. I better get going.

Your blog post? Don't worry. You've been taking notes, right?

Just type those up and you'll be fine.

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If you were wondering, yes, you should comment. Not only does it remind me that I must write in intelligible English because someone is actually reading what I write, but it is also a pleasure for me since I am interested in anything you have to say.

I respond to pretty much every comment. It's like a free personalized blog post!

One last detail: If you are commenting on a post more than two weeks old I have to go in and approve it. It's sort of a spam protection device. Also, rarely, a comment will go to spam on its own. Give either of those a day or two and your comment will show up on the blog.