Tuesday, January 17, 2017

The plane closing announcement

Recently I wrote out for you one of my themed and avant garde series of library closing announcements. It involved the usual warnings about the library closing but included complicated fake science fictional instruction codes to the librarians. Last night, when I was called upon to do closing announcements for the library again I simply opened up my blog and read from that. It was very stress free! I didn't have to think of all my ideas right on the spot, live, before an audience of dozens. But since I don't much like doing the same bits of comedy over and over I thought it would be nice to write up another closing routine for future use. This one I will call the airplane library closing announcement.

20 Minutes:

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now approaching (the city) and the library will be coming in for a landing in twenty minutes. While you should still feel free to move about the library, we do recommend that while seated you keep your safety belt fastened in the event of unexpected turbulence. Again, the library will be landing in twenty minutes.

15 Minutes:

The (city) library will be landing in fifteen minutes. Please return your tray tables to their upright positions. If you need a library card please approach a flight attendant at our downstairs service desk. If you look out the windows on our right you will be able to make out the lights of our parking lot. Flight attendant librarians prepare for crosscheck and all call.

10 Minutes:

The library is now beginning its descent into the city of (****) where the current temperature is (*) degrees. We are currently at an altitude of 958 feet. If you need to checkout items please bring them to our automated checkout machines at this time. If you are on the computers they will shut down promptly at nine, so please make sure you have saved your work. Also remember to check the overhead bins for your belongings and the computers for any flashdrives you may have left plugged into them. The library will be landing in ten minutes.

3 Minutes:

The (city) library will be landing in the city of (city), Minnesota, in just three short minutes. Please prepare your belongings for departure as we will need to clear the library. On behalf of the captain and all the crew on this library flight, it has been a pleasure to serve you. The library will be landing in three minutes.


The library has landed and we are now closed. Thank you for flying with us. Our next flight departs here starting at ten o'clock tomorrow morning. The (city) library is now closed. Goodnight and travel safely, whatever your final destination.

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