Friday, February 24, 2017
The annual budget
You may not be entirely aware that clerkmanifesto is run as a Public 504R In Share Corporation. You may also may not be aware that fact that you're reading this confirms that you are an officer of said corporation and own at least a half percent share in clerkmanifesto, possibly even more depending on whether you receive this via email, have bookmarked the site, or came upon it by fate. According to Public Exchange, in The Wall Street Journal, a percent share would be worth about $245 at current rates, even more if you are in the Asian Markets. Of course, this fluctuates greatly depending on the quality of the daily posts. An amusing post involving George Clooney has induced near doubling of the share price, while my comments on squirrels have caused panicked selling.
But I am really only telling you about all of this to explain that, due to organizational bylaws, I am required annually to publish my budget and earnings. You don't have to read this all if you don't want to. It's pretty dry stuff. But as a shareholder and in your position on the board of directors it would be the responsible thing for you to do.
Tropical Fish Hobbyist, $14,500
Tattoo day at the State Fair, $8,500
Sidewalk chalk, $12
Neighborhood Urchins, $398
Catster Magazine, $4,440
Customer Appreciation Week, $18,585
Cat refund processing, $11,325
Caviar with a blogger day, $255,000
Equiptment and costs:
4,648 gel pens (blue and black), $2,920
Post-it notes, $28
Internet connection, $417
Pain and suffering for Internet connection, $5,282
Domain name, $5
Lucky blogging slippers, $70
George Clooney Foundation, $100,000
Mary Oliver slipper fund bequest, $70
Trifling detritus of Bob Dylan sold on ebay, $1,950
Gates Foundation bribe to "cool it" on Gates, $15
Blog subscriptions, $-295
Clerkmanifesto brand creme de menthe, $9,224
Mysterious squid to Monterey Aquarium, $500
Nobel Prize for Literature, $923,179
Good Blogger Samaritan Award, Gates Foundation, $100
This year we have run a tidy profit on clerkmanifesto, and that money belongs to you, the shareholders! As is custom here (and also part of our bylaws), we have converted the $707,191 into a like value in kittens. These kittens will be sent out this week to you, the shareholders, according to the number of shares you are holding. If you are a longtime shareholder you will note this is a much bigger profit than in previous years and so likewise you should expect a significant increase in kittens. We advise that you try to have someone around the house over the next couple of weeks to help deal with the deliveries, of which there may be quite a few. And now would also be a good time to start thinking of cat names, lots and lots of cat names. I'm fond of the name "Linus" if that helps.
Thank you, and see you next year shareholder!
Feldenstein Calypso for: