Friday, February 24, 2017

The annual budget










Dear Shareholder,



You may not be entirely aware that clerkmanifesto is run as a Public 504R In Share Corporation. You may also may not be aware that fact that you're reading this confirms that you are an officer of said corporation and own at least a half percent share in clerkmanifesto, possibly even more depending on whether you receive this via email, have bookmarked the site, or came upon it by fate. According to Public Exchange, in The Wall Street Journal, a percent share would be worth about $245 at current rates, even more if you are in the Asian Markets. Of course, this fluctuates greatly depending on the quality of the daily posts. An amusing post involving George Clooney has induced near doubling of the share price, while my comments on squirrels have caused panicked selling.

But I am really only telling you about all of this to explain that, due to organizational bylaws, I am required annually to publish my budget and earnings. You don't have to read this all if you don't want to. It's pretty dry stuff. But as a shareholder and in your position on the board of directors it would be the responsible thing for you to do.


Outlays


Advertising:

Tropical Fish Hobbyist, $14,500
Skywriting, $5,350
Tattoo day at the State Fair, $8,500
Sidewalk chalk, $12
Neighborhood Urchins, $398
Catster Magazine, $4,440


Promotions:

Customer Appreciation Week, $18,585
Cat refund processing, $11,325
Caviar with a blogger day, $255,000


Equiptment and costs:

4,648 gel pens (blue and black), $2,920
Post-it notes, $28
Internet connection, $417
Pain and suffering for Internet connection, $5,282
Domain name, $5
Lucky blogging slippers, $70
Alcohol, $720


Total outlays:

$327,552


Income


Donations:

George Clooney Foundation, $100,000
Mary Oliver slipper fund bequest, $70
Trifling detritus of Bob Dylan sold on ebay, $1,950
Gates Foundation bribe to "cool it" on Gates, $15


Sales: 

Blog subscriptions, $-295
Clerkmanifesto brand creme de menthe, $9,224
Mysterious squid to Monterey Aquarium, $500


Awards: 

Nobel Prize for Literature, $923,179
Good Blogger Samaritan Award, Gates Foundation, $100 


Total income:

$1,034,743



Balance


$707,191




This year we have run a tidy profit on clerkmanifesto, and that money belongs to you, the shareholders! As is custom here (and also part of our bylaws), we have converted the $707,191 into a like value in kittens. These kittens will be sent out this week to you, the shareholders, according to the number of shares you are holding. If you are a longtime shareholder you will note this is a much bigger profit than in previous years and so likewise you should expect a significant increase in kittens. We advise that you try to have someone around the house over the next couple of weeks to help deal with the deliveries, of which there may be quite a few. And now would also be a good time to start thinking of cat names, lots and lots of cat names. I'm fond of the name "Linus" if that helps.

Thank you, and see you next year shareholder!




Feldenstein Calypso for:

clerkmanifesto.com









2 comments:

  1. Well, looking at your numbers and considering that you have a sizable surplus, I'd say your alcohol budget is far too low.

    Also, as a cat person myself, I heartily approve of your advertising in *Catster*, but as a colleague in library clerkdom, I feel compelled by my sense of fairness and balance to suggest that you should at least consider advertising in *Dogster* as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I couldn't agree with you more about the alcohol. I argue this point, like, all the time with my board of directors. Would you like to be on the board of directors? As you may well know a bottle of green chartreuse can run $50!!

      I respect your attention to fairness, but feel that the choice of cats cannot be balanced in relationship to dogs, but by its very nature is antithetical to dogs and publishing ads in both Catster and Dogster would render them more or less invisible.

      Thank you for you input!

      Delete

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