Friday, May 26, 2017

Vampires at library

Well, the vampires came to my library today. Apparently they had permission to pull up in their unholy mobile home, emblazoned with their perversion of the Christian symbol, all truncated to a plus sign and filled with blood. They parked their little castle on wheels in front of our library, spic and span and modernized, but I'm wise. There's bats in there somewhere. The wrong kind of bats.

"Where should I set up our information table?" One of their toadies asks me at the front desk.

"Wherever you want, Igor." I reply.

"Excuse me? My name isn't Igor."

"Oh, give it a break, Igor." 

They don't fool me.

But management says they can be here, so I make them at home. I knock on the door of their little evil bloodsucking mobile home.

"Would you like to give blood?" They ask.

I shudder. "Oh, you all aren't fooling me with your white coats and politeness. No blood for you. I'm from the library. I baked a pie to welcome you."

I see his eyes light up. Maybe he thinks it's a blood pie. He lifts the pie to smell it and grimaces. "What is this pie?" He asks, making a face.

Ha, of course he does. "It's a garlic pie." I say triumphantly.

He blanches. "You should see your face!" I exclaim, and quickly hold up a mirror. He definitely flinched.

"Well, er, thank you for the pie." He says. Vampires are famous for their politeness, right up to where they suck your blood.

"If you're still hungry afterwards I can get you a steak." I say meaningfully.

He pretended not to understand, but standing there, hiding from the sun and my silver jewelry, he understood all too well.

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