Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Too late

Dear Publisher:

If you are receiving this query letter from me suggesting that you and your illustrious press publish a collection of my essays then, I'm afraid, it is already too late. It was never supposed to happen like this. You were supposed to write me.

"Well, what a pleasant surprise!" I would exclaim as I read through your warm and effusive letter. "I wonder how they heard of me."

How did you hear of me?

Oh, right, this query letter. You heard of me in this query letter. Do you see how confusing you've made the whole thing!

If you had just written me first, as you should have if you were even halfway competent at your job, I would have happily examined your letter of interest and said:

"I'll have to carefully compare this to all the other letters of interest I've received from other publishers. There were some handsome offers there, but this looks like a really good offer too."

But don't feel too bad, all the other publishers blew it too.

With sadness and understanding,

F. Calypso

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