Sunday, December 10, 2017

A phone play

This is a basically accurate phone transcript, as far as I can remember, with the usual moving around of names to protect the barest conceit that I never actually name the library I work at. It is a subtle rumination on the mysteries of human nature and is suitable for advanced acting classes.

Me: Good afternoon, Lilytown Library.

Patron: Hi. Is this the Lilytown Library?

Me: Yes, this is the Lilytown Library.

Patron: I have a meeting at your library at ten in the morning, but will be getting there at 9:15. I know you don't open until ten, but what time does your lobby open? Can I wait there?

Me: I'm not here much in the mornings. We do open the lobby early, but let me check what time that generally happens. Hang on.

(I go consult with people who know. There is lots of discussion about exceptions and who is asking but the upshot is that the lobby opens at 9:30, and we should just go with that.)

Me: Thanks for holding. The lobby doesn't open until 9:30, but you could wait in the coffee shop which will be open.

Patron: Oh. Okay. So is the Lilytown Library the same place as the Water City Library? It says here that my meeting is at the Water City Library.

Me: No. The Water City Library is a different library in our system. Would you like their number?

Patron: So the Lilytown Library isn't the Water City Library?

Me: No. Sorry. It's not.

Patron: Hmm. Do you have their number?

(End scene)

(Everybody bows)


  1. This certainly sounds authentic. Is there any chance the person was planning to attend one of your meetings about elderly people and confusion? (For a friend, of course.)

    I certainly never get confused like that patron. *cough*

    1. No, alas, I don't think the meeting was about elderly people and confusion, which brings up in my mind an array of slightly tragic/humorous scenarios. I find the meetings that must people get confused about getting to tend to be the Mensa testing ones.

    2. Mensa testing? Who does that anymore? I took the Clerk Manifesto genius quiz and almost made a perfect score! I was just casually reading the thing, and Bingo, I'm a frickin' high rolling genius! F#ck yeah!

    3. Well, I always knew you were smart, but I saw that you scored over 40 on that test. Holy moly!

      Who still does mensa testing you ask? People who would like to be geniuses as a hobby, not people like us who are professionally burdened with it.


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