Dear Publisher, Phaidon Press:
I am keen to work with you because I have written a book! And, get this, it is a book about art. I know, this is the very subject you publish books about. It's quite a coincidence. Destiny has brought us together.
You are probably wondering what would make this book I've written worthwhile for you to publish. Well, it's about art...
... which is the very subject you publish books about!
Ha ha ha. But enough joking around. I bet you want to know what the title is. You will love it. It is:
You are all like "I seriously love this title."
But I know. Publishing is a business. And you need something a little more to make you see that this will work out.
That is why I have enclosed my lucky rock.
No, seriously, I know I joke around, but this is a really lucky rock. Take good care of it and I believe we will make great and lavishly illustrated with no expense spared bestsellers together.
I breathlessly await your response. Is it okay if I say that I'm super excited?
I am super excited!
Oh, you probably should have spoken up more quickly.
With much regard,