Friday, January 19, 2018
Dear Phaidon Press:
I know that in your manuscript submission "tips" you asked that we not contact you for an update on the status of our submission until you have had our submission for three months. But it has been 11 days now without hearing from you, and I am aging at a rate 14 times that of a normal human. The stress has caused my toenails to start coming loose. Despite your request I must beg of you; please give me a hint. Eleven times fourteen is easily three months if you'd briefly indulge me on this method of calculation. Just let me know a little of what you're thinking at this point and I'll go lay down for a bit. Thank you.
Oh, one small other thing. In reading through your tips just now I realize I hadn't noticed that you said "Phaidon does not assume any responsibility for any unsolicited submissions, or any materials included with a submission." Had I seen that I would not have included my lucky rock with my manuscript submission. It might be best if you just popped my lucky rock back to me where I can keep an eye on it. It would be devastating if anything happened to it.
I'm really looking forward to working with you though, and other than these two small points I think everything is going great between us!
With no small amount of regard,
(Phaidon Press Author (prospective!))