I was thinking about this burrito I had at The Fireroast Cafe late this morning with my wife. I was thinking it was a very bad burrito and that I would write a scathing review of it and put it on the Internet. There millions of people would read about the bad burrito, and I would be revenged upon Fireroast Cafe!
But then I thought:
What did The Fireroast Cafe ever do to me?
Except maybe serve me an $8 burrito that was not to my taste.
I don't want The Fireroast Cafe to suffer. I want them to thrive and prosper. I want to help them.
So I offer the recipe for how not to make a burrito:
How Not to Make a Burrito
1. Mix together cooked rice, black beans, corn, and peppers, possibly in a big pot. Cook until hot and soft.
2. Mix in a trace amount of cheese to disappear into the hot mass.
3. Dish out a generous glop onto a big flour tortilla and add absolutely no fresh ingredients of any kind. Especially don't add any avocado.
4. Roll it all up proper burrito fashion and cook it handsomely in a panini press until it has nice grill marks and parts of it are luke warm and parts are scalding hot.
5. Enjoy the not very good burrito somehow, if you can. Also burn your lip.
"Well fine." You think, especially if you're the owner of The Fireroast Cafe checking your reviews on the Internet. "That's all perfectly condemnatory. But then tell me, smart guy, how should I make a burrito?!"
I don't know. Surprise me.