Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Department of Transportation hate mail

Dear Department of Transportation Employee:

It was while I was waiting at a busy crosswalk for the sign there to turn to "Walk" that I first thought of writing this letter to you. I had been waiting for what seemed like an unnaturally long time when two of my fellow pedestrians decided to go for it against the signs. Since my line of sight on the road wasn't perfect, and since surely the light would be changing any second, I opted to wait it out for the legal crossing.

Big mistake.

The jaywalkers made it safely across and I and a few others waited there for another 47 minutes. Then the light changed, we crossed, and I thought "I hate you."

First of all let me say that I don't know you, and so surely don't hate you personally. 

I hate you professionally.

I hate you as you do your job. Terribly. I hate you as you systematically suck up to cars as they destroy the planet, because that's just the way you do it out there in traffic control.

But I know how it is. I know how institutional, hierarchical systems are. I know how it is to be hated for some aspect of my job that I have no power over. That is why I don't hate you. I hate your boss. Your boss is horrible, truly negligent and without vision at his or her job. And this letter is for your boss. Not you. You only have it by mistake. So breathe easy. This letter is supposed to go to your boss, who I hate.

And if you have received this letter from an underling, but you have a boss, I only hate you a little. Please pass it along to your boss, who this letter is for and who I hate.

And if you have no further boss to pass this letter up to, well, you make too much money to let a little thing like this worry you. Good luck with the melting of the polar ice caps and the end of everything you once knew and loved.


Feldenstein Calypso, pedestrian

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