Thursday, April 25, 2019

Hello literary agent

Dear High Profile Big Time Super Powerful Literary Agent!:

I have a manuscript of unpublished non fiction essays. They are a lot of fun! People have told me they liked them, although sometimes they just sort of insinuate it. But you take what you can get right?

No, you don't, obviously, being a big time super powerful literary agent. But I usually do.

However, the tide has turned for me, and that is why I am contacting you.

You don't think I would seriously waste your time with an untested manuscript that no one has demonstrated any interest in?

Well, I wouldn't. I would only waste publishers' time with that sort of thing.

But here's the deal: There are a bunch of publishers who are super interested in my work and want to have a huge bidding war over who gets to publish it!

This, unfortunately, is not my forte. I'd just mess it up. See above where I discuss taking what one gets.

That's where you come in. You, the literary agent, go find all these publishers and get them to overbid on my manuscript.

But look who's telling who how to do their job! I don't really know anything about it. You'll know how it goes, and then you'll make me a big, huge, famous writer who can afford to retire from library work early, not that there's anything terribly wrong with library work. Just, sometimes, you know.

And then after all that I say really nice things about you in the author's acknowledgements section!

It's going to be great for both of us!

Let me know when you have news!

Your author,

F. Calypso

No comments:

Post a Comment

If you were wondering, yes, you should comment. Not only does it remind me that I must write in intelligible English because someone is actually reading what I write, but it is also a pleasure for me since I am interested in anything you have to say.

I respond to pretty much every comment. It's like a free personalized blog post!

One last detail: If you are commenting on a post more than two weeks old I have to go in and approve it. It's sort of a spam protection device. Also, rarely, a comment will go to spam on its own. Give either of those a day or two and your comment will show up on the blog.