Wednesday, September 4, 2019

End of the world as reported in the newspaper: Day five

Here is my fever dream of the end of the world as it is reported in the newspaper. It doesn't matter much from which newspaper... In day one President Trump lashed out at New Zealand, feeling that the lack of cheese on his cheeseburger was attributable to them. The contretemps grew more heated on day two and warships were mysteriously sent to the Tasmanian Sea. In day three missiles rained down on Sidney, Australia seemingly as a warning, but were later claimed to have nothing to do with "Cheeseburgergate". In day four riots at the U.S. Embassy in Australia injured Americans, ramping up the tensions even more as world leaders called for all sides to stand down.

Day Five:


"We Won't Back Down!"


Trump demands apologies from New Zealand and Australia. The U.S. evacuates their embassy in Canberra. China sides with New Zealand while Vladimir Putin says he admires Trump's resolve. The extreme left of the Democratic Party claim that "Trump has finally lost it" as nuclear bombs devastate Australia

Below the fold story number one:

An estimate 25 million people were killed in Australia as nuclear bombs rained down down under. Trump calls it "A like for like retaliation" after the massacres at the American Embassy in Australia in which two embassy employees were injured.

Below the fold story number two:

"This is finally too much." Democrats unofficially open impeachment explorations claiming that "Trump's killing of 25 million people in the wrong country because his cheeseburger didn't have enough cheese compels us to act no matter what the political consequences are."

Third page analysis:

Is it too much? Democrats take the risky, possibly ill-timed move of opening impeachment proceedings on the president who has vexed them for almost three years now. Massive radioactive cloud heads towards Indonesia, but has it already poisoned our political system?

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