Thursday, September 5, 2019

The end of the world as reported in the newspaper: Day six

Here is my fever dream of the end of the world as it is reported in the newspaper. It doesn't matter much from which newspaper... In day one President Trump lashed out at New Zealand, feeling that the lack of cheese on his cheeseburger was attributable to them. The contretemps grew more heated on day two and warships were mysteriously sent to the Tasmanian Sea. In day three missiles rained down on Sidney, Australia seemingly as a warning, but were later claimed to have nothing to do with "Cheeseburgergate". In day four riots at the U.S. Embassy in Australia injured Americans, ramping up the tensions even more as world leaders called for all sides to stand down. On day five Trump stood strong, nations (and political parties) took sides, and Australia was obliterated in a nuclear holocaust.

Day Six:


U. S. A. Bombed as Democrats Impeach Trump!


Trump claims "Attempted Coup" as he launches attack on "The traitor stronghold of Californation (sic, maybe?)" France also mysteriously attacked while England's Boris Johnson declares war on China "in support of our American allies". Trump thanks god there are still decent people out there in this "important time". Democrats impeach Trump in emergency session and demand action as massive radioactive cloud sweeps into Southeast Asia, killing millions.

Below the fold story number one:

World War Three seems to have broken out. Republicans stand behind Trump but one of the Republicans retiring from the Senate refuses to support him! Hundreds of thousands dead in Paris and Oakland. Critics claim attack on Oakland "Racist" as Trump says "It's filled with all kinds of undesirable people anyway". It's a record day for newspaper sales as the Internet becomes spotty across the country and events accelerate.

Below the fold story number two:

Trump refuses to go to Presidential bunker, instead choosing to visit one of his resorts for golfing, saying "Don't worry folks, it's all under control and we're carefully monitoring the situation at all times. Great people are on this one, the best let me tell you! No one is impeaching me. That's a lie, a vicious lie."

Third page analysis:

Is it a crime for the president to bomb Oakland. The Democrats look willing to test this one out, but as the Republican Senate stands firmly behind the President, and with the public mixed on the issue, the Democrats' gambit may prove their undoing in the upcoming Presidential election. But will the Presidential election even matter? Nuclear bombs seem to be obliterating great swaths of the planet and look likely to end life as we know it.

No comments:

Post a Comment

If you were wondering, yes, you should comment. Not only does it remind me that I must write in intelligible English because someone is actually reading what I write, but it is also a pleasure for me since I am interested in anything you have to say.

I respond to pretty much every comment. It's like a free personalized blog post!

One last detail: If you are commenting on a post more than two weeks old I have to go in and approve it. It's sort of a spam protection device. Also, rarely, a comment will go to spam on its own. Give either of those a day or two and your comment will show up on the blog.