Sunday, November 10, 2019

The preamble to the best gelato of Florence

Am I the greatest gelato reviewer on the Internet?

That's a problematic question. Without humbleness my immediate reaction is... no, of course not. 

But as a person who has long poured over the reviews and blogger accounts of gelato on the Internet, concerning the gelato of both Rome and Florence, I am less disinclined to proclaim myself "The Greatest Gelato Blogger on the Entire Internet".

This is because the systematic, deep, and thorough investigation of gelato in Italy and Europe that one would hope for, and even expect, does not happen. Or, if it does, because the Internet is really terrible, we can't find it. A case in point is that even though my work on the gelato of Florence is easily in the top echelon of thoughtful, informed analysis, you probably won't find it.

Which is weird, because you are reading this now.

But this only means one of three things:

1. Somehow you know me, and fell into reading this, a gelato post. Your interest in gelato is idle, at best. You're actually probably lactose intolerant to be honest. Thanks for bearing with me.

2. This post isn't really about Florence gelato, that's tomorrow's post, which you're currently not reading.

3. You are not actually reading this now, which, trust me, thousands and thousands of people who have searched "best gelato Florence" are also now not doing, at any give time.

The best gelato reviewer in the world would be a systematic obsessive, probably living in Italy somewhere, focused completely on the thankless evaluation (well, the gelato would be some reward) of gelaterias, wherever they are. The fantasy is that the Internet is full of weird stuff like this. The reality is that unrenumerated obsessive geniuses are the amazingly rare exception that proves the rule of the Internet.

Oh, what is the rule of the Internet?

The rule is:

Everything good on the Internet is an accident.

But that's okay. We here at clerkmanifesto like to make as many accidents on the Internet as possible. If we're lucky maybe the right people can get hurt. If we're lucky we will accurately describe the best gelato of Florence. It may even end up being one of the all time great guides ever written about Italian gelato!

You'll never find it.

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