There is a conspiracy afoot. I know about it only because I am taking part in it.
It has to do with the election.
Do you want to know what the conspiracy is?
I will tell you.
But only if you will swear on all that is sacred to you first.
Swear that you have, or that you will vote.
Actually you have to swear that you have voted, or that you will vote for the desperately needed but frankly pretty crappy conservative candidate: Joe Biden.
For obvious reasons.
Excellent. Thank you.
I will tell you.
I have been working in the heart of the voting process for almost two months of early voting. All day long I answer questions about early voting, the voting rules and procedures, and the voting days to come. I'm not working in Elections and I'm not an election judge, but I work in a library where it's all taking place. This is not just early voting, but on Tuesday we will also be a regular voting location. So I am an observer. And it has been packed here. Right now lines wrap my building and spill, weaving out into the parking lot. So many people have early voted that it has even become hard to predict how busy election day will be. Will voting be light because so much early voting already happened, or will it be crazy like it's been all along?
All of which leads us to the conspiracy.
Voting has been a national disaster. We are in the midst of a Pandemic. Gathering mobs of people in static, indoor locations, where they mill together for long periods of time has spread the coronavirus. The enormous surge in numbers of Coronavirus cases and deaths here over the past month is certainly not entirely attributable to huge early voting gatherings, but they sure haven't helped.
Early voting, and the voting to come, are serious contagion vectors.
But we don't talk about it much because, as sensible people, we are so desperate for people to vote we have to look the other way.
What I am saying is:
There is poison in the cure.
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