Friday, March 10, 2023

Library orphan

I walked into the library breakroom to take care of some dishes and a small child was there. He seemed very polite. "Hello." He said.

"Hello." I replied.

This is when the thunderbolt hit me!

I have always desperately wanted to get a library cat. But anytime I bring it up it's always "Yes, but some people are allergic to cats!"


But you know what nobody is allergic to?


How could anyone be allergic to an orphan!?

I think the library should get an orphan.

I think the library should get an orphan!!!

I just finished a book that took place in an orphanage and let me tell you, this place would be way better to grow up in than that orphanage. I also saw an Oscar Nominated short that took place in an orphanage. My library would be way, way better to grow up in than that awful place! We could read books to the orphan here, for instance. Also the food we bring in is... nutritionally diverse. And though the quality of supervision and care that the library staff could provide would vary widely, I think the sheer quantity of parental figures would even out the worst bumps.

And we don't even need a good orphan- the kind of sparkly three year old that some charming young couple would would scoop up anyway from the County Orphanage. We can take a grown, problem orphan that no one else would want! 

I think that kind of orphan would fit in better here anyway. Say our problem ten year old orphan is throwing a tantrum. We can put them in the kids' room and they'll blend right in.

Though for the best overall effect they should probably know how to read.

This all may seem a little callous. You may wonder, thinking back on thousands of my very mixed accounts of my library: "Yes. But can you meet the average standard of child rearing in your community?"

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

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