Wednesday, December 20, 2023

The rare and the precious


Unlike, for instance, postings to clerkmanifesto, I don't send "all-staff" work emails very often. If I had to average it out I would guess I write two of these "all-staff" emails per year, generally to pass along some fundamental piece of structural work news that I had a hand in implementing. Clerkmanifesto, in contrast, clocks in with messages to you and the universe at the 365 to 400 range most years.

Now one might cry out:

"What could an all-staff email at your library have in common with the crazy columns written at clerkmanifesto!"

I say here that "one" might cry out, because any actual reader of clerkmanifesto (hi!) would probably understand that any email I might send at work would be fully as irreverent, cheeky, inappropriately insightful, and downright unprofessional as any blog post I write here.

So the difference between the two is mainly in the rarity.

Writing on clerkmanifesto, no matter how brilliant I think something I write might be, I have come to fully expect it to sink unceremoniously into the great ocean of the Internet, bubbling as the last breath goes out of it, and then plunging quickly past rare and strange jellyfish into a bewildering darkness on the deep ocean floor, where it then sits for four years until I go check on it in my diving bell.

"Why, it's in perfect condition!" I exclaim.

"And so beautiful!" I might murmur.

I have different expectations for emails I send at work. I expect to wander the library for the two days following any all-staff email and be told how refreshing it was. I expect to see staff members bursting into laughter as they read it. I expect to be thanked for brightening peoples days constantly in the aftermath of my message.

The truth is this kind of thing usually only happens once or twice with my all-staff emails, but boy, compared to writing clerkmanifesto it feels relentless!

"Enough already!" I inwardly cry out the second (and last) time someone tells me my email was amusing. I can't bear it. The adulation is too much for me!


Would you like to see my most recent all-staff email?

Oh, I wasn't expecting that answer.

All Staff:

To my absolute favorite Co-workers:
Due to (reason redacted), we are now keeping all requested videogames, from all systems, in their cases, behind the front circulation desk. They are on the green cube where the art kits are also held.
Coming after our recent change to keeping videogame discs behind the front desk, this further videogame change is a reflection of (information not available on unsecured channels). 
If you are interested in more details about this alteration please rely upon rumor, gossip, and idle speculation among yourselves.
Also, as this message has only been sent to my favorite co-workers, please pass it along to those staff members I don't particularly li... er, who accidentally didn't receive it.

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