Tuesday, May 27, 2014

I need to make a list!

I am seized with the need to make a list. I am dying to make a list.



Well, I have seven reasons.

1. I have not made a list in ages. A blog without a list is like a simile that makes no sense!

2. I don't have enough prepared content to justify paragraphs.

3. I only have seven minutes until my break ends. I have found that I can do a seven item list in as little as five minutes, with an average of seven minutes (a neat one minute per item!) and a median time of 11 minutes not counting for variables such as wind speed and coffee consumption. Of course, these times only apply as long as item three on my list doesn't run on and get needlessly detailed, explaining things like median time, which is the quantity lying at the midpoint of a frequency distribution of observed values. Crap.

4. A numbered list allows me to re-experience the childhood joy I enjoyed when I first mastered counting. 

5. Even the worst top seven list usually manages to have one amusing list item. Unfortunately that already happened here in item one. You are now engaged in what is known as courtesy reading.

6. Seven is a lucky number! Make seven mimeographs (mimeographs are the lucky paper reproducing process) and walk them over to seven people who have seven letters in their first name. Give them a list and wait seven seconds before reciting "Seven" quietly, seven times. Something pretty good will happen within seven weeks, seven months, and seven years! If not you may have to start again and make sure that you are seven feet away from the people when you hand them the mimeographs. Oh, and don't forget to chant "Seven" seven times while hopping on seven toes at each chant.

Too much? You can use a copy machine instead of a mimeograph.

7. Finally, the reason I have to make a list is to experience the pure, unbridled bliss of reaching list item seven knowing that I have given it my all! Yes, this is my all.

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