I cannot write a normal post today. The reason for this is that I came up with an extremely amusing joke. I am terribly sorry, but I cannot tell you this, frankly, hilarious joke. And yet, I can't think about anything else except my desire to tell you this joke. This makes it almost impossible to work out exciting new fresh things to tell you about. I keep trying, instead, to work out some way to tell you this joke. But no, it is not to be. So I am going to have to not tell you this splendid joke.
Instead, what I will do, is give you the five reasons I cannot tell you this very funny joke.
1. It is about a very specific library patron, who, no matter the crime committed, and the time served, is entitled to a certain amount of institutional anonymity at her local library. I will tell this joke personally, but not publicly. I know this doesn't seem so public because it's very quiet around here, but every few weeks someone gets horribly lost on the Internet and ends up here. "Where am I?" They say. "A public place" I say, but not one easy to find.
2. I can't tell. Has she suffered enough already? Yes, I know, not knowing who or what I'm talking about you can't answer that question. Sorry.
3. I, knowing that I wouldn't be telling you this joke, told you that it is extremely amusing, very funny, frankly hilarious and splendid. This is like putting a curse on a joke, and makes it very hard for anyone thus informed, with their expectations so wildly raised, to find it funny. So, at this point, if I tell you the joke, it will not be an extremely amusing, very funny, frankly hilarious, or splendid joke, even if it really is all those things, because it is only all those things provided I don't tell the joke to you.
4. While this person is sort of famous, it is more of a local fame, and giving you the proper background required undercuts the glamorous and dazzling precision of the joke as I came up with it, in situ.
5. Data privacy practices are meaningless if one isn't willing to feel the burn every once in awhile and actually protect people's private data. We will have to both feel the burn here.
If this is unbearable to you, not hearing the joke, I understand. Since I will tell this joke personally, you could email firstname.lastname@example.org and I would tell you the joke, but you would need to understand the following three things:
1. I'll still have to be slightly more general about the joke than is ideal.
2. This is just between us.
3. The joke is actually not very funny at all.