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Monday, August 4, 2014
To my regret I feel that I have possibly been over-confident that I will see a moose on my upcoming moose finding expedition. The more I talked about it the more my moose sighting had the feel of destiny to me. But as soon as my sense of certainty led me to declaim that not only would I be sure of seeing a moose, but I would probably see a super rare white moose, I experienced a complete crash of faith. I don't think I am going to see a moose. I have seven sad (or sometimes not really very sad) reasons. They are as follows:
The Seven Reasons I Will Not See a Moose
1. I have offended the daffy and irritable moose gods with my hubris. Alas.
2. For all my moose expedition talk what I am really mostly going to be doing on vacation is sitting in a swanky house with my wife reading novels and looking out all the windows at Lake Superior. So unless there is a Jesus moose ambling across the water, or perhaps a tiny moose dropping from the rafters and then scurrying across the pages of one of my many books, my moose viewing chances drop to nearly nil.
3. Moose like wetlands. Mosquitoes like wetlands. I dislike mosquitoes.
4. Minnesota's moose population has dropped 69 percent since 2006. No one knows why. Maybe a mess of mysterious Minnesota moose murders?
5. I lack the necessary zen dispassion on the issue.
6. While moose are gangly and large, they have a deep understanding of the obscuring nature of shrubbery.
7. I will be far too absorbed in eating all the many wild blueberries I find.