Thursday, March 5, 2015

Infected by Internet

It is hard to stay aloof. The pernicious Internet sends its invasion of the body snatcher tendrils out into anyone who comes near. Everyone comes near. I am near. You are near.

Every day I unpack my lance and go tilting at the Internet. Everyone needs a hobby. But as I try and rid it of its demons, reform it, re-imagine it, it, immensely greater and more powerful than myself, works back on me and I am invaded. I am reformed.

How do I know?

I am on my morning walk. Across the street I see an ambulance. The ambulance is apparently from a consortium of three outer ring suburbs; Apple Valley, Lakeville, and Farmington. Because of that it has three big letters on the side and then, underneath, "Ambulance". So, the side of the ambulance reads thus:


I wish like mad I had a camera or phone or whatever so I could take a picture. I would post it to Instagram, though I only vaguely know what Instagram is, with the caption:

With his alien anatomy, of course he would need his own specialized ambulance!

In my heart of hearts I know this is only mildly amusing. Better and worse jokes come to me every day. But what taunts me is this: 

The Internet would love it! 

The Internet would love it, and oh how I long to please the Internet!

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If you were wondering, yes, you should comment. Not only does it remind me that I must write in intelligible English because someone is actually reading what I write, but it is also a pleasure for me since I am interested in anything you have to say.

I respond to pretty much every comment. It's like a free personalized blog post!

One last detail: If you are commenting on a post more than two weeks old I have to go in and approve it. It's sort of a spam protection device. Also, rarely, a comment will go to spam on its own. Give either of those a day or two and your comment will show up on the blog.