Friday, March 13, 2015
I complain about, nudge, satirize, and attempt to mutilate my lack of fame as a blogger as much as I can while still remaining insightful and entertaining. And when I say insightful and entertaining, I mean to me. Your mileage will vary. For instance, you might not be enjoying this at all right now even though I am. This at first seems inexplicable until we determine that it is only because you are reading this wrong.
Don't feel bad, you'll get the hang of it. I believe in you!
Anyway, I tend to take it that my 34 regular readers, oops, 33 regular readers (I startled one and they bolted! Blogger pro tip: try not to look directly into your readers' eyes), signal a certain lack of success in my blogging ambitions.
Well, maybe yes, maybe no. You see, I have begun to study the blog. I am growing a new sense for just how popular blogs, true blogs, really are.
For our illustration today I would like us to take a look at my favorite movie with a blog in it: The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. In The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel Judi Dench's character Evelyn writes a blog about her experiences relocating to India. She informs us about this blog in the movie when she tells her worried son about it as she's leaving. "Read my blog." She says in what appears to be the entirety of her blog marketing plan.
Interestingly this threadbare marketing plan is actually bigger than average for blogs in movies.
It goes well. We get to hear passages from her blog occasionally in voiceover during the movie. It is a nicely written, interesting blog.
The blog is a small part of the movie and not much is made of it. It's a nice little detail, establishing Evelyn's vim, her blossoming chutzpah, and it's a device, letting us hear some of her seniory perspective in a modern context.
I don't know what the average non blogger thought of this. Probably nothing. If some small part of their brain gave detail to this fictional India travel blog, maybe it would say something like this: "The blog had a small audience of a few hundred modestly interested people." But any actual blogger, of which, as far as I can tell from the available statistics, there are somewhere between 23 and half a billion, can tell you exactly how many regular readers there were to Judi Dench's blog.
Yes, her son and a couple relatives and friends skimmed it occasionally until they forgot its name or lost the link to it. If we insist on including them then we can say she had four readers.
But trust me, we're being way too generous. I like zero.
And you know what? In the scheme of things, I'm pretty sure zero is pretty good, at least about average.
But that's easy for me to say, sitting here in the catbird seat with my 33 readers. Oops, 32 readers.
Top of the mountain.