Friday, October 16, 2015

Crisis in readership, day 42

As you know clerkmanifesto has been experiencing a readership deficit causing our revenues to drop from a 24 hour pro rated 0.00 USD to an alarming minus 0.012 EUR adjusting for transfer fees and international taxes. To rectify the issue our first plan was to explore established print publishing venues. After composing hundreds of queries we ran into what I call the stamp problem. I was unable to send my print queries without stamps. So I immediately composed several letters to likely Grants Foundations asking for stamp money. Unfortunately, in a classic Catch 22, I needed stamps to send those letters as well! Being enormously resilient, I came up with a new plan. I decided I would bypass the print media and query all 7 billion people on earth, taking the problem directly to the people. But as I was writing these people I suddenly felt tawdry, like a beggar. I thought I could perhaps be doing something more noble, so I sacrificed my immediate needs on the altar of the greater good, and, directly in contact with every human on earth, I advocated for the improvement of human kind. Plus I needed stamps to send those letters anyway.

So we were back to square one.

And that's where readers like you stepped in! Anonymous wrote: "What can I do to help?"

Before I could even respond to that, Anonymous wrote: "What can I do to help?" This might have been the same "Anonymous" having problems posting a comment on my blog, perhaps with their phone, or due to glitchy Internet, and so it was conceivably a duplicate comment. But as I was pondering this I received another message. Anonymous wrote: "What can I do to help?"

Yes, this could still have been the same person again, but because "anonymous" represents a random person out of billions, the odds had to be astronomical for one "anonymous" to be the exact same as another "anonymous". Therefore, I determined, three different people were looking to help. And it is a well known fact that any Internet comment is the mere tip of the iceberg. One comment almost invariably reflects on many more readers feeling the same way.

So, many of you would like to help. Many of you would like to know what you can do?

What can you do?

Nothing. You are all wonderful just as you are.


  1. Ye gods, it has come to this! I guess all those butter Bernini angels covering the bridges for the state fair drained the treasury, again. Holy One, why must you appeal directly to the, ummm..., populace? Here, let me start cranking out papal indulgences and this trifling problem will disappear, pronto.
    Oh good lawd, where are my bureaucrats?!!!

    1. Someone get this person some bureaucrats!!!!

      Can't you see he's in trouble? He needs bureaucrats now!

      I think we have a couple of old school bureaucrats stashed away in the reference section of my library. I'll send them out to you via parcel post before the end of next week. Hang in there!


If you were wondering, yes, you should comment. Not only does it remind me that I must write in intelligible English because someone is actually reading what I write, but it is also a pleasure for me since I am interested in anything you have to say.

I respond to pretty much every comment. It's like a free personalized blog post!

One last detail: If you are commenting on a post more than two weeks old I have to go in and approve it. It's sort of a spam protection device. Also, rarely, a comment will go to spam on its own. Give either of those a day or two and your comment will show up on the blog.