Friday, October 16, 2015
Crisis in readership, day 42
As you know clerkmanifesto has been experiencing a readership deficit causing our revenues to drop from a 24 hour pro rated 0.00 USD to an alarming minus 0.012 EUR adjusting for transfer fees and international taxes. To rectify the issue our first plan was to explore established print publishing venues. After composing hundreds of queries we ran into what I call the stamp problem. I was unable to send my print queries without stamps. So I immediately composed several letters to likely Grants Foundations asking for stamp money. Unfortunately, in a classic Catch 22, I needed stamps to send those letters as well! Being enormously resilient, I came up with a new plan. I decided I would bypass the print media and query all 7 billion people on earth, taking the problem directly to the people. But as I was writing these people I suddenly felt tawdry, like a beggar. I thought I could perhaps be doing something more noble, so I sacrificed my immediate needs on the altar of the greater good, and, directly in contact with every human on earth, I advocated for the improvement of human kind. Plus I needed stamps to send those letters anyway.
So we were back to square one.
And that's where readers like you stepped in! Anonymous wrote: "What can I do to help?"
Before I could even respond to that, Anonymous wrote: "What can I do to help?" This might have been the same "Anonymous" having problems posting a comment on my blog, perhaps with their phone, or due to glitchy Internet, and so it was conceivably a duplicate comment. But as I was pondering this I received another message. Anonymous wrote: "What can I do to help?"
Yes, this could still have been the same person again, but because "anonymous" represents a random person out of billions, the odds had to be astronomical for one "anonymous" to be the exact same as another "anonymous". Therefore, I determined, three different people were looking to help. And it is a well known fact that any Internet comment is the mere tip of the iceberg. One comment almost invariably reflects on many more readers feeling the same way.
So, many of you would like to help. Many of you would like to know what you can do?
What can you do?
Nothing. You are all wonderful just as you are.