Thursday, October 29, 2015

Falling is better than despair

Here is my metaphor: When the walls close in and I keep going down the dark and narrowing tunnel of life until it no longer branches, and I can never now find my way back now, and the way I am on has come to some strange, unalterable end, I stand there, lost and abandoned. I am desolate. I have exhausted myself and worn my virtues to bone. And though all my sins, real and imagined, shed a kind of light, they only reveal that there is no place to go.

So to hell with all my sins. Right there, hopeless, at the end of the tunnel, I abandon all my failings; real ones, made up ones, instilled ones, and even the ones that are secretly virtues.

I make plans. And in my plans I become perfect. I will never fail, or waste a moment, or make a mistake ever again. I will be perfect and committed and energized and pure. It is a simple and glorious solution and everything is wonderful.

And that is how I fall. I do not intend it. It is not part of the plan. Reaching for perfection I fall in that very second.

Let me tell you, despair is better than falling. Terror comes first, and when I hit the ground I am battered and broken and there is no part of me that does not hurt. Lying there hurts most of all so I get up, shaken, trembling. I wipe the blood from my eyes, and I look around. I find that I can now go anywhere, there are no tunnels here, no walls. I can go anywhere, anywhere at all as long as it's up.

So on the gentlest, softest, easiest path I can find, I head that way.


  1. << See, this right here. Someone, [TAFKA IESkin, no less] could be sitting in a public library in suburban Minnesota writing this tiny, naked, breathtaking message to the universe, and here it sits. It's almost a shame to disturb its silence and privacy. Shhhh. Move along everyone. Nothing to see here. >>

    1. Why did you put off writing this comment for so long?

      Ha ha ha ha. I made a joke about your name!!! But it was all meant in fun!

      Actually, there I am sitting just at the edge of Minnehaha Creek,

      but I agree we should just move along and not disturb me.


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