Care and feeding of God

There is never a good reason to hit God, a firm "No!" is the best approach. I have always been a bit hot headed in my relationship to God, but I have learned that a firm and measured response gets far better results than being rough. Discipline with love, I say.

Today I was on my long solitary morning walk to work. This is a ruminative time for me, restorative, nay, dare I say, even spiritual. I harmonize with the air and the river and the wild birds. I enjoy space and quiet and the sound of the trees. So when God, from on high, moves his pieces and sends out, onto a mile long stretch of river path that is otherwise empty, another walker, heading in my direction, at my natural walking speed, I am not amused.

Do not enter into an argument with God. No one has achieved any success ever crying out "Why God?" This opens the issue up for discussion, a discussion you don't want to have, especially when it puts the ball in God's court. Instead you speak firmly and you say "Bad God. You are not to put people in my path when you have the whole river to work with. No!" A firm, consistent, but not angry tone gets the message across best. Contrary to how it may seem, God is not out to hurt you. God seeks your love and approval, but easily feels neglected and in need of attention. You must make it clear that this behavior will not be tolerated. "God." You should say, evenly "You take this walking person right now and put them somewhere else. This is my space." This must teach God that if he wants your recognition rainbows are always an option, petty irritations are emphatically not.

The person who has merged onto the river in step with me, at my pace and direction, abruptly remembers somewhere else they need to be. They immediately turn off the path and disappear back into the neighborhood. "Good, God. That's a Good God." You say. And if you have one, give God a treat.