Wednesday, February 3, 2016

My Presidential bid

MSM: What made you decide to run for President?

F. Calypso: I felt that my needs as a voter weren't being met by the current crop of candidates.

What needs are those?

F. Calypso: I'm very close to needing a new pair of boots, for instance.

MSM: Ha ha ha, but seriously.

F. Calypso: I need some new pants too?

Yes, but are there needs of National Significance you were hoping to see addressed?

F. Calypso: We are the world, as the song says.

I don't think that's what the song is about.

F. Calypso: Look, it hardly seems likely I could be elected President of America on some sort of communal Communist "What's best for us as a group" approach.

MSM: So you're campaigning for yourself as your constituency?

F. Calypso: I refuse to pander. I'm the real deal. I call them as I see them.

MSM: How do you see them?

F. Calypso: Hmm?

MSM: You said that you call them as you see them. How do you see them?

F. Calypso: I dunno. You show me and I'll call them.

MSM: Okay. Fair enough. What is your position on ISIS?

F. Calypso: (Singing)

I was thinkin’ about turquoise, I was thinkin’ about gold
I was thinkin’ about diamonds and the world’s biggest necklace
As we rode through the canyons, through the devilish cold
I was thinkin’ about Isis, how she thought I was so reckless


MSM: Er, excuse me. Is that supposed to be a Bob Dylan imitation?

F. Calypso: I like to think of it more as an homage, or sort of like The Bob Dylan Experience.

MSM: What does that have to do with the Islamic State?

F. Calypso:
I dunno.


MSM: What would you do about ISIS and the threat they pose?

F. Calypso: Well, my neighborhood is more of an Agnostic sort of neighborhood. We don't have a lot of religious fanatics. We have much more serious problems that I don't see being brought up.

MSM: Such as?

F. Calypso: Icy sidewalks.

MSM: Icy sidewalks?

F. Calypso: I have yet to see any interviewer ask a candidate what they would do about icy sidewalks, killer of the elderly.

MSM:  Mea Culpa. What would you do as President about the problem of icy sidewalks?

F. Calypso: I would walk more carefully.

MSM: You have my vote.

F. Calypso:
Yeah. These interviews always seem to end that way.

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