Wednesday, February 3, 2016
My Presidential bid
MSM: What made you decide to run for President?
F. Calypso: I felt that my needs as a voter weren't being met by the current crop of candidates.
MSM: What needs are those?
F. Calypso: I'm very close to needing a new pair of boots, for instance.
MSM: Ha ha ha, but seriously.
F. Calypso: I need some new pants too?
MSM: Yes, but are there needs of National Significance you were hoping to see addressed?
F. Calypso: We are the world, as the song says.
MSM: I don't think that's what the song is about.
F. Calypso: Look, it hardly seems likely I could be elected President of America on some sort of communal Communist "What's best for us as a group" approach.
MSM: So you're campaigning for yourself as your constituency?
F. Calypso: I refuse to pander. I'm the real deal. I call them as I see them.
MSM: How do you see them?
F. Calypso: Hmm?
MSM: You said that you call them as you see them. How do you see them?
F. Calypso: I dunno. You show me and I'll call them.
MSM: Okay. Fair enough. What is your position on ISIS?
F. Calypso: (Singing)
I was thinkin’ about turquoise, I was thinkin’ about gold
I was thinkin’ about diamonds and the world’s biggest necklace
As we rode through the canyons, through the devilish cold
I was thinkin’ about Isis, how she thought I was so reckless
MSM: Er, excuse me. Is that supposed to be a Bob Dylan imitation?
F. Calypso: I like to think of it more as an homage, or sort of like The Bob Dylan Experience.
MSM: What does that have to do with the Islamic State?
F. Calypso: I dunno.
MSM: What would you do about ISIS and the threat they pose?
F. Calypso: Well, my neighborhood is more of an Agnostic sort of neighborhood. We don't have a lot of religious fanatics. We have much more serious problems that I don't see being brought up.
MSM: Such as?
F. Calypso: Icy sidewalks.
MSM: Icy sidewalks?
F. Calypso: I have yet to see any interviewer ask a candidate what they would do about icy sidewalks, killer of the elderly.
MSM: Mea Culpa. What would you do as President about the problem of icy sidewalks?
F. Calypso: I would walk more carefully.
MSM: You have my vote.
F. Calypso: Yeah. These interviews always seem to end that way.