Friday, February 26, 2016

Wrap up

Yesterday clerkmanifesto's Customer Appreciation Week wrapped up with the thrilling gift to you of a second kitten. It was a mind boggling week full of gifts and excitement. We have already begun saving for next year's celebration. We had a great time, and we hope you did too. Say hi to your cats for us!

Because our gifts were so grandiose, complicated, and magnificent there were a few minor things that inevitably went wrong. We have received a few letters and gentle notes of concern. To show that clerkmanifesto is a completely open blog with nothing to hide, and to demonstrate our full goodwill, we have decided to address these concerns in a public manner. To the vast majority of you, for whom everything went brilliantly, we just want you to see that in the bizarre event anything should ever go wrong for you here with clerkmanifesto, we've got your back!

Dear Clerkmanifesto,

I was warned that my second gifted cat might have some blemishes, but was surprised to receive a kitten with no legs whatsoever. Please advise.


Dear Anonymous,

Daisy Hill Kitty Kollective assures me that if you look carefully you will find that your cat does indeed have legs! He is suffering from one of the syndromes we mentioned: Stubby Leg Syndrome. The condition is more pronounced during kittenhood, and as your cat gets a bit older he will be able to move around in an odd, crawling sort of way. It would be best if you had wood floors in your house, and, of course, this is not going to be an "outdoor" cat. Enjoy!

Dear Clerkmanifesto,

I enjoyed Customer Appreciation Week, but it appears that you skipped day six. You went from day five (the gelato gift), right onto day seven (refurbished kitten). Did I miss something?


 Dear Anonymous,

We have heard this rumor before, and, as unlikely as it seems, we are looking into it. Our Automation Services Department suspects that the problem is on your machine and they suggest a full reboot of your computer or device.

Dear Clerkmanifesto,

My first kitten is doing just great, thank you. But kitten number two just seems to be pining away altogether and won't eat a thing. I can't see anything else wrong with this cat. Does it have the problem you labeled FFF (Feline Food Fetishest).


Dear Anonymous,

I have contacted Daisy Hill Kitty Kollective and no, your kitten is not suffering from FFF. Your cat has something called "Vet Attachment". We know you requested a kitten that listed constantly to the left, Daisy Hill was out of those, and you were in a good geographic area for a cat with "Vet Attachment". Under separate cover we will send you the name, address, and phone number of the Vet you will need to visit daily. They are within 80 miles of your home address. Have fun. We're sure you'll like them and their rates are reasonable.

And that wraps up year one of Customer Appreciation Week. See you next year! And thanks again, we couldn't do all that we do here without you!


  1. Bwaaahahahahahahaha!

    1. Thank you very much for your gift of slightly unhinged sounding laughter. In appreciation we'd like to send you another cat!


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