Saturday, June 4, 2016

Dear Public Libraries Online

Dear Public Libraries Online:

Recently I was tooling around on my library's intranet site and found, buried in a secret corner of it, a "Library Industry News" section. There I found a link to you! You said you were always interested in people who wanted to write for you and you had a little form to fill out. I filled it out.

I was pretty sure you would be interested in me because, and I'm not being vain, I am the greatest writer on library issues who has ever lived.

Actually, reading over the previous sentence there may be a touch of vanity to it after all. But that's not the important thing. The important thing is that you did not respond to my query.

I am concerned now that I overstated my talents, or, rather, that you suspected that I overstated them, but I assure you that I do not throw around words like "genius", "visionary", and "prophet" lightly. Well, I might a little throw them around lightly when referring to my own work, but it's really just a stylistic flourish and I don't mean to imply that I'm better than anyone, I mean anyone outside of other writers. I am better than other writers. But I'm not in any way implying that they aren't good people. They might be.

Also, it's not a competition. It's totally not a competition.

I am also concerned that you didn't respond to my query because of how I implied that the content on your site is not as entertaining as it might be. I didn't mean to suggest that your content lacks spark, pizazz, inspiration, pathos, comedy, and joy. I didn't mean in any way to express a feeling that it is a little boring over at Public Libraries Online. I meant, and continue to mean, to keep all those feelings about your shortcomings completely hidden. And if you're reading those interpretations into what I'm saying I would suggest they issue from your own secret doubts.

Although I may just not be very good at keeping my feelings hidden.

But that's not the important thing. The important thing is that I think we have a lot to offer each other. I'm not sure what, otherwise I would list those things here. Nevertheless deep down I believe we do. And I hope you will reconsider your lack of response to my query.

If you merely haven't responded to my query because you are running behind, and are very busy, I hope you will disregard this letter, which I suspect is unlikely to convince you that we have a lot to offer each other. In fact, it might be for the best if you disregarded this letter regardless of your reasons for not responding to my query.

Thank you for your time and lack of attention to this matter.

Yours, etc. etc.,

F. Calypso

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