Sunday, November 27, 2016

Customer Satisfaction Survey Results

The accounting firm of Barney, Barney, and Stein has tabulated all of the surveys people have filled out and I am here to read and report the results!

I am so nervous!

1. Almost all of you like or love (8%) the new clerkmanifesto points for prizes system! Although a scant, but defiant 62% of you were uninterested in it, and 29% of you took the opportunity of that question to go on a bathroom break.

2. One percent of you said "Potato Taquitos" was your favorite blog post. Only 97% of respondents said they couldn't remember any blog posts further back than "Customer Satisfaction Survey".

3. In a heartening vote of confidence 100% (everyone!) said that they either love, like, tolerate, endure, occasionally read, or are generally confused by clerkmanifesto. 

4. Almost 38% of readers first heard of clerkmanifesto when I mentioned it in this sentence! Roughly 31 percent already knew all about it and felt smug. About 30 percent still haven't heard of clerkmanifesto although it's starting to sound more and more familiar.

5. A full 42% of you blamed being in a bad mood on having to fill out another customer satisfaction survey, but 83% said they would fill out more surveys in a desperate hope that one day they will be asked a relevant question that allows them to express their feelings.

6. A majority of respondents said they would recommend clerkmanifesto to anyone who asked them directly if they would recommend clerkmanifesto, keeping in mind that no one would hold them to anything and they could not be sued or held criminally liable. 

7. Just over 98% (!) of you felt confident that Barney, Barney, and Stein was the best survey firm they ever dealt with. 

8. A whopping 9% of you are feeling sad that there are only eight result summaries, even though they're only just realizing it now.


  1. I'm smiling broadly to myself as I read your post, because you are so clever and funny.

    I used to be one of those people who liked filling out surveys, actually, and I would have been glad to read more summaries. A few years back I got cynical about surveys when I realized that when they saw my age they would just crunch my survey answers up in their fist and throw it in the waste basket.

    1. Thank you for your kind words.

      Really? If they throw them away why don't they just say "Hey, 18 to 35 year olds take our survey. Anyone older please remain silent and don't mess up our statistical models."

      My problem with surveys is referenced in one of these posts somewhere. I always start interested and then discover my point of view is never represented in any of the optional answers.


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