Friday, July 27, 2018

Library pyromaniac

 A man came to me at the front desk of the library.

"I just thought you should know," He began. "Someone lit a fire in the Men's Room."

"Really." I said.

"It's out now," He assured me, "But there are scorch marks on the wall, some burnt stuff on the floor, and," He added significantly, "It smells terrible in there!"

"Thank you. I'll check it out."

It wasn't long before I had the chance to inspect our fire damage. He was right. There was a clump of what looked like burned through paper by the urinals, and there were some minor scorch marks down at the base of the wall.

But he was completely wrong about the last thing. I have had cause to venture into that bathroom many times over the years, though almost never to actually go to the bathroom in it. And I can say its smell has ranged from barely tolerable to horrifying. Now it smelled great. It smelled fantastic. It smelled like a campfire in the woods.

As the supply person for my library I buy deodorizing gels or sprays for our two poorly ventilated staff bathrooms. I have never been satisfied with any of them. But now I am thinking, what if I forget all the weird products alleging to smell of lavender and kiwis? What if I save the library a little money?

Why don't I just pop into those bathrooms every morning and simply start a small fire?

You might wonder: what if it sets off the smoke detector?


"Pay no attention to the smoke detectors everyone. I'm just deodorizing the bathrooms. 

Who wants a marshmallow?"


  1. Hilarious post. Not that fire in the library is funny. Your comments on that fire was very funny. Marshmallow, anyone? Sharing with some other library folks who will enjoy.

    1. Nice of you to share. So far all the fires in my library have actually been funny, fortunately.

    2. Indeed, fortunate. May it always be so. Still a very enjoyable post.

  2. Sorry about my grammatical error in above comment. I know you picked up on it.

  3. marshmallow, thank you. But the idea of a small fire to start the day, that sounds good. Going to singe the Ladies', too?

    1. They're unisex so I can singe all of them!

      Right then, no marshmallows for you.


If you were wondering, yes, you should comment. Not only does it remind me that I must write in intelligible English because someone is actually reading what I write, but it is also a pleasure for me since I am interested in anything you have to say.

I respond to pretty much every comment. It's like a free personalized blog post!

One last detail: If you are commenting on a post more than two weeks old I have to go in and approve it. It's sort of a spam protection device. Also, rarely, a comment will go to spam on its own. Give either of those a day or two and your comment will show up on the blog.