Saturday, June 1, 2019

Ancient giant diamond Bacchus head found in Rome excavation!

Recently in Rome they uncovered an approximately 2,000 year old head of, maybe?, probably?, Dionysus, aka Bacchus. What articles I could find about it were repulsively bad, but, and here's the important point, they were better than nothing. This explains the Internet and all of its remaining ambitions. It also explains the "Newsy" trend of just sort of making stuff up, or, related to that, reporting reporting, or it even explains my country's descent into madness: 

Each step down isn't that far, and it's always better than two steps down.

Today's blog post won't be as good as my post from yesterday, but, oh my god, it will still be better than anything on the blog phoenixroofing164, which, fairly speaking, is still slightly above average for a blog, on the Internet, which, unfortunately, is where you are right now. I apologize. If it weren't for me right now you could be someplace much better, like maybe out investigating some Global Single-ply Roofing. There are some good market research reports on it at phoneixroofing164.


LATE CORRECTION UPDATE: Just before going to press with this post I checked my last post. This post is actually slightly better than that one! This surprised the hell out of me because this is one of the most seriously digressive and, frankly, strange blog posts I've written in ages, and it clearly has way too many loose ends to ever be tied up. I guess the main thing it has going for it is the above tagline: 

Each step down isn't that far, and it's always better than two steps down. 

I am already within inches of using this as the new subtitle of my blog (replacing I'm a glass half full kind of guy even if it's actually empty). Nevertheless the good news is that by charting the rate of improvement in the quality of clerkmanifesto from yesterday's post to today's, and extrapolating outward, we come up with encouraging results that at this rate, in four months and 11 days, my blog post will be as good as page 72 of Catcher in the Rye.

I loved Catcher in the Rye! 


Anyway, what can I tell you about this Dionysus Head? They found it while excavating in Rome, which is something they do, like, all the time because excavating is far more rewarding and interesting than say, removing garbage, getting electricity to work properly, or cleaning some shitty looking graffiti off a street so beautiful it could melt your heart. So they excavate and find the head of Bacchus that was shoved into a wall 600 years ago or something because, well, there it is, and, as any home owner knows, rocks are surprisingly expensive.

In the first of 16 identical articles I read there was a picture. The article suggested that the head was huge, and the picture, in a field of rubble, gave no hint of scale, or what the size of the head might really be. Using my powerful reportorial investigative skills I found another picture of the head and it looks to be roughly the size of, well, a head. It's not in great condition, but it's pretty nice and will probably get better when they clean it up more.

Oh, also it's made of diamonds. And if you touch it you are granted three wishes as long as you wish for wine. And chiseled into the back of it you can just make out "Jesus was here".

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