Monday, September 14, 2020

Dear Great Pumpkin

Dear Great Pumpkin:

I hope that I am not writing you too soon, but it is September, and the leaves have started to turn, and it has been unusually chilly and Fall-like lately. See below:

You're probably thinking: "Oh crap. I'd better start gathering toys. And I have to hurry and pick this year's pumpkin patch!"

But don't worry. It's mostly just the earliest bits of Fall. There's plenty of time left. Mostly I was just hoping to reach you before you settled upon the most sincere Pumpkin Patch to visit for Halloween this year.

Because I have found a uniquely sincere Pumpkin Patch.

I don't mean to suggest that you in your wisdom would not know the most sincere Pumpkin Patch. But this one is very little.

So you might miss it.

Here is a picture:

See how easy it is to miss? Here are some closer pictures:

See the pumpkin? It's genuine! It's a real pumpkin patch! No airs, nothing fancy. It's in an alley!

It's a sincere pumpkin patch.

It has a little bit of an upper portion too, which I think makes it a full pumpkin patch rather than just a pumpkin plant.

Once Charlie Brown asked Linus "Maybe this pumpkin patch isn't big enough?" And Linus wisely answered "Size has nothing to do with it! It's sincerity that counts!"

Another great thing is that this pumpkin patch is in St. Paul, Minnesota. St. Paul is where it all began for you! So I thought it might be nice for you to return home to your original pumpkin patch this Halloween. This particular pumpkin patch might be as close as you could get all these years later to your original pumpkin patch.

I don't need a lot of toys at this pumpkin patch- a few nice ones mostly for form's sake. I'd just be really honored and thrilled to finally see you rising out of a pumpkin patch on Halloween Night. 
I've spent a lot of long nights in pumpkin patches over the long years without much success to tell you the truth.

Did I tell you I got a "Great Pumpkin" T-shirt this year? I wear it all the time.

I'm sorry it says "pumkin". I didn't notice that when I ordered it. I mean no disrespect. 

No matter what pumpkin patch you decide to visit this year though I will always be your devoted fan,


(and I believe in you despite what everyone says about you not existing!)



  1. Of course the Great Pumpkin exists! And sincere pumpkin patches can be found everywhere. Within a mile of me there is a pumpkin patch perhaps 8 feet square, part of a community garden. This has been a year of drought for New Hampshire, and when the foliage gave up a week or so ago, I could see the entire crop: four pumpkins, perhaps 8" diameter each. But they were very sincere and they had done their very best in the difficult conditions.

    1. Don't worry, the pumpkins here are in the Eastern Division. So far as I know, there are no brackets that would have NH pumpkins competing directly with the MN variety.

    2. Wow!

      I had no idea the Great Pumpkin was so prolific! Multiple regions! I am dazzled by the greatness of the Great Pumpkin!


If you were wondering, yes, you should comment. Not only does it remind me that I must write in intelligible English because someone is actually reading what I write, but it is also a pleasure for me since I am interested in anything you have to say.

I respond to pretty much every comment. It's like a free personalized blog post!

One last detail: If you are commenting on a post more than two weeks old I have to go in and approve it. It's sort of a spam protection device. Also, rarely, a comment will go to spam on its own. Give either of those a day or two and your comment will show up on the blog.