You will be excited to know that I have finally collected enough material for my next volume of my collected letters to Publishers. This will be my fourth volume of my prestigious "Letters to Publishers" series, and I feel your magnificently large and bloated multi-national publishing house would be the perfect home for this next volume. While my writing skills are slowly deteriorating as I enter into my late 50's, there are nevertheless contained in this collection some of my finest letter to editor moments. I think both you and your readers will particularly delight in "Dear Editor: Seeking Wisdom" which I wrote just 15 minutes ago, and you will keenly enjoy the classic "Dear Editor" from the end of last year. "Dear Publisher: Let Me Explain" is also pretty good, and even much of the filler material in this fourth volume is capable of making your readers chuckle quietly to themselves as long as they're in a super good mood and don't have any other book nearby to switch to.
I know that you will be eager to get going on publishing this book, but there is one small problem, really barely a problem at all, that we must discuss first:
It may be confusing for your readers to encounter this as the fourth volume of "Letters to the Publisher" when none of the other volumes have yet been published. Yes, believe it or not, "Letters to the Publisher, a Book of Letters to the Publisher: Volume One", "Letters to the Publisher, Letters to the Publisher: A Book of Letters to the Publisher About Letters to the Publisher: Volume Two", and "Letters to the Publisher, Letters to the Publisher, Letters to the Publisher: A Book of Letters to the Publisher About Letters to the Publisher About Letters to the Publisher: Volume Three" have yet to be seen by the public, and no book as yet exists of them.
The simple solution is of course to publish these first three volumes as soon as possible. We don't have to make a big fuss about them. Then we can go big on the marketing with this new book "Letters to the Publisher, Another Book of Letters to the Publisher: Volume Four" in which people will find an enthusiastic return to the high form of the first volume, even, unfortunately, if it's not quite as good as that breakout first book they remember so vividly, probably because it will have come out just a couple of months earlier.
If you have any more complex solution to this issue I am eager to hear it! Either way I look forward to getting to work with you on this exciting project as soon as possible. Neither of us is getting any younger.
Almost like I'm your friend already,