Thursday, December 10, 2015

The five minute post

Seeing as how no matter when I look at a clock or where I am in my race to get ready, to finish, or to arrive, it is always five minutes later than I thought it was or needed it to be, I am going to have to adjust the clocks. As of now please set your clocks back five minutes.

I regret having to inconvenience seven billion other people merely to get myself on the correct schedule, but let me ask you this: how many times must a person consult the hour only to yell "Shit!" in exasperation? Do you want "Shit!" to be the only word I ever say anymore.

Thank you.

And it's not all bad. For the people out there dreading something I have now delayed it for five minutes. For those of you feverishly anticipating instead, this small delay will only make its arrival deliciously sweeter. As for me, well, I so appreciate your indulgence on this. Moving the clock back five minutes has already made such a difference for me, and I, uh oh. Shit! Look at the time!

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