Friday, December 30, 2016

Interpreter of emails

Recently I was telling you about the spate of remedial emails we were getting from the management at my library. "When accepting payment from patrons don't forget to enter it into their account on the computer. Simply putting the money in the cash register will not clear the fine from the patron's record." I can't fault these emails as they seem to be in response to actual events, alarming as that may be. Plus, I never get enough non spam emails, and these at least have the virtue of assuring me that there is some point to checking my work email, even if it's just to learn how alarmingly low our general standards have become. Or, er, how low they have always been.

Another kind of related email has to do with new advisories for freakish events. "Will the person closing the library and checking that the bathrooms are empty please make sure the water faucets are turned off." Are these faucets usually left on? There's something about this kind of email that compels me to run around to all my co-workers, sometimes even to the author of the note, and intentionally get it all wrong.

"We're now supposed to turn on the bathroom faucets in the library when we close up? That seems so wasteful of water to me, but if that's what they want. Do you think I should be turning on the faucet in the break room too? Maybe it keeps the pipes from freezing?" 

It suddenly occurs to me I might not be everyone's favorite employee, though, of course, I should be.

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