Monday, June 5, 2017

Target Bag Man

Though I have written a post or two about him in this space, I don't believe I have ever properly named him. At most I have called him OCD Man, wandering our library, getting other people to open doors for him, and demanding ever more of our anti-bacterial gels. Resistant to our codes of conduct, hygiene preferences, and general ideas about how much space any individual should take up in our library, he spends nearly every day here. He chews food loudly, eating things out of hidden packets for a third of the time he's here. He sleeps in a suite of 2 to 4 chairs another third of the time he's here. And he wanders about using our stuff for the last third of the time he's here.

I'm pretty sure I've heard his real life name a few times, but I've never managed to remember it. To myself and the rest of my co-workers he is faithfully known as Target Bag Man. He is known thusly because he at all times camps here at the library with, or travels around with a group of six loaded up Target bags, filled, as far as I can tell, with stuff I would characterize as falling somewhere between garbage and the nuclear codes of Uzbekistan.

So imagine my shock and consternation today when I went upstairs to shelve and found Target Bag Man yes, sleeping, yes, smelly, yes taking up multiple chairs, and yes, with six stuffed bags full of stuff, but, today, after years, the bags weren't from Target. Rather they were from Cub Foods!

Holy Mother of God!

What happened? I started freaking out a little. I started freaking out a lot!

Is Target Bag Man okay? Do we still call him Target Bag Man? Has something horrible happened to Target Bag Man???!!!!

And then I remembered; 

I don't care.

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