Monday, August 7, 2017

A letter with a small amount of presumption

Dear Publisher:

It is time to publish my magnum opus, the elven volume masterpiece of American Letters: The Clerk Manifesto.

Go to it. Feel free to start on it today. I know you'll do a fine job. We'll work out the contract soon enough.

Wait, let me guess; you object to my cold call solicitation being presented as a fait accompli. I totally understand. A professional wants to be accorded the respect of his or her position. A professional doesn't want his or her judgment presumed upon. I know that when I am working at the front desk of my library and some patron comes up and is all like "Waive my fines!" I'm thinking "I'll be the judge of whether or not to do that."

I'm just saying I understand your feelings.

But wait, you're probably objecting to my likening your sophisticated, well-honed, New York Publishing House literary acumen of the highest order to my discernment as relates to a 40 cent overdue charge. Perhaps you find such a comparison a bit insulting.

Well now look who's full of presumption! You should be ashamed of yourself!

So now you're probably thinking "But I didn't say anything about finding the comparison between myself, a celebrated New York Publisher, and you, my newest star author, to be anything other than one of utter equality!"

I am gratified to hear it. I'm so looking forward to working with you on this publishing endeavor. I'm certain we will have a great success of it together!

Yours most cordially,

Feldenstein Calypso

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